I haven't written here in a while. Life has been the usual. Was sick for the past two weeks and i'm still trying to recover. Work picked up a bit as i try to pick out interns for the summer. We received some amazing applicants this year, and I'm excited for this team to come together in June. Acting--was so sick up to the point that i missed class for a week. We had two weeks off for spring break, so i was literally away from the craft for 3 weeks. That is a long time, and it felt like forever. I feel like if i dont go or take classes on a weekly basis, i might just stop. That's a scary feeling, so i better practice on my own before i lose the ability to pick up the text and work on it. I gotta stay motivated, especially during the summer, when classes are not in session. Gotta be more diligent!
Anyway, i went for two auditions this month. One was for a music video and another for a hosting gig at a comic con. The music video one was sooo embarrassing because i had no idea what i was doing, and i was "dancing" in front of someone i knew. It was so awkward. I told my boss about the experience and he said if i wanna stay an actor i should expect to be embarrassed for the rest of my life. What a scary feeling!! I never will go on any music video audition after this because i can't risk my integrity for the craft with senseless dancing. The hosting gig audition was so much fun! It was for Mike Carbo's show and although i lacked comics knowledge, i showed up for the audition anyway. They asked for a great personality and i believe i have that within me. I was the first person to audition and had a great rapport with everyone on staff. I used my new headshots and felt so happy and proud. I didn't book it and felt a little bummed, but i told myself it is a learning experience. I will do better next time! :-)
Improv has been hard. 201 at UCB is seriously kicking my ass. The class is all about finding and developing the game and i suck. Sometimes i blank out in class and i get so hard on myself after. At some point i dread going to class because im afraid of sucking. Today marks the 4th class and i told myself to fuck it and just go and do my best. I felt fine today. A bit better than usual. Maybe because im not in ny head too much. I should stay out of my head and just be present and keep working on the craft. It is supposed to be hard. Good things dont come easy.
Over the course of this month, I felt like quitting everything for several times. I keep looking back at how financially secure i was last year, and how i want the same this year, but it is not happening. Other than that, i also feel lost. I'm working on my craft, but i also want to audition and be seen. But part of me ask if i am ready to be seen by casting directors. I need to stick to the craft and refine it before i see them. I need to stop jumping the gun and stay focused. I gotta be real and keep working on the craft. Afterall, the craft is what will get me jobs. I gotta keep working at it. I'll probably be ready before i know it.
Keep truckin and dont give up, judy!