I remember last year around this time, I had a mental breakdown because I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Maybe I was so anxious to know because in college, everything was so structured with a given deadline, that I, for one, thought there was a deadline to this thing called life. So I went around and asked for advice in areas that strikes my interest. It started with all professions deemed worthy, ranging from lawyers, to business folks, to professors/phd students from well known companies and institutions. I always ask about their journey: how they got where they are today, if it was their passion, and if they were happy. Most of the time, people tell me they are happy with their profession, but it took a long time to get there. One person, in particular, asked me what field i am interested in. I said, "I don't know. A lawyer? A politician? I really want to work for the community."
Looking back now, it is a quite funny how i associate community work with being a lawyer or politician. Is that a default answer for all aspiring organizers? When I said, "I don't know," I actually did know what I wanted to do, but was always afraid to say or admit it. What if others laugh at my dreams? My dream is always to work for the community, and become an actor and writer. I rarely tell anyone though because what if I fail? I struggled from within tremendously while working for Congresswoman Velazquez with this question; but after being surrounded with older co-workers and listening to stories of constituents' lives, I began to realize life is too short to live up to someone else's expectations. And so, I worked up the courage to admit to myself that being an organizer and artist is what I want to do for the rest of my life.
At this point, when I compare myself now to who I was one year ago, I see a huge gap. I see myself grow in ways I never imagined. I am still shocked at how I made these decisions without worrying about consequences. I am not making any kind of big bucks or rocking brand names, but I am at a really happy place right. I cannot wait to see what is in store for the next year, and many more to come. And I hope to use this blog as a way to document the journey along the way.