Yesterday was one of those reflective days. You know, one of those days where you sit around and think about if you had made the right decision, or did you completely fuck up. I balled my eyes out. Partly because i left something i loved so much, and partly because i wasn't sure what the future holds. Do you? I kept arguing back and forth with myself if anything would have changed if i kept doing what i did. At some point, i felt regretful. But then i thought, fuck it, i gave up too much to be where i am now, and if i give up now, i will never forgive myself. I guess it is self doubt. That point where you think you can't go on any longer because you don't know how even the next few months will look like. All you can do is dream. Dream about what was, what is, or what can be. Sometimes that dream can be happy, but most of it sad or even scary. You say to yourself that everything is going to be alright even though you're scared shitless. But something deep down within you, you know you love this thing enough that you're not willing to give up.
Someone once said, if you find yourself not loving something anymore, it is easier to just walk away and let it go. But i think if you reflect and think about why you fell in love with it the first place, you will see the beauty of it--even through the struggle and tears. Just don't lose hope.
Keep dreaming. That's what i have to remind myself everyday. Keep dreaming.