Monologue 7: Baba - Father

I wrote this monologue out of a whim about three weeks ago.  I remember sitting at the bakery last spring, watching him and the two kids come in the bakery, getting things for them, caring for them, and I just sat in silence.  Patrons would ask if they're my siblings, and I would just ignore them.  I guess they think I'm rude; but I don't give a fuck.  I just try to eat as fast as I can to leave the bakery, so there'd be no more questions asked. I still remember the anger and frustration I felt during the whole meal.  As if watching him with them wasn't enough, the peanut gallery had to add wood to the fire.  Sometimes I find myself tearing up, and most of the time, I'll tell myself to stop.  Why cry over a man who don't love you no more?  I deal with it.  Or I try my best to ignore it.

He will never understand the pain he caused us.  Believe me, it still hurts.  I'm just trying my best to ignore it.  Or I'm just trying to tell myself everything is okay, when maybe it's not.  Seriously.  I need to not give a fuck because it's over and done with.  I need to be a stronger person.  I need to learn how to let go.  It's all a part of growing up.

Letting go...

MONOLOGUE 5: Just Go

While shopping at The Drama Bookshop, I found a play called THE MOTHERFUCKER WITH THE HAT by Stephen Adly Guirgis that spoke deeply to me.  The whole play is set up in NYC, and it talks about a drug addict, her husband who was recently released from prison, and their complicated relationship with two friends. In this monologue, I play Veronica, the drug addict, who tries to break it off with her husband's best friend.  I struggled so much to play her character because of the circumstances in this scene--I had to figure out how to play a Puerto Rican woman from NYC, and how to be high in this scene.  I held on to these two things as I did a few takes, but found myself a bit stiff/fake.  Towards the end, I was running out of time (the flip video cam only holds about an hour of footage), so I just said fuck it, and did it without thinking too much... and that's the take you're watching now.

**I tried bleeping out the word fuck, but obviously, you can still somewhat hear it.  I hope youtube doesn't take it down! ***In this scene, I was talking to myself in a bed and then by a door, but I actually spoke to Pikachu, and it was quite hard holding in the laughter.  He's too cute for me to tell him any of this, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.