Lately, I have been thinking a lot about numbers. We live in a number driven society, at least that's how I see it. Numbers as in money; numbers as in metrics. Numbers determine how "successful" you are. In some way or form, I live in this world, where I have to face the realities. On the flip side, I can just keep going, keep doing the things I love and care about. Why am I bringing up all this? YouTube. This platform measures how many views you get. When I first started the channel a few years ago, it was fun and it was less about the views and more about creating funny, yet engaging materials. I wasn't a heavy user, by all means. It was just for fun. Even when I recorded monologues, it was for fun.
It wasn't until last year that I paid attention to the numbers that I seriously doubted myself. And it was discouraging. Why spend so much time and effort into something with so little return. And that bitterness pretty much ate me up for a little bit. Then I got over it and didn't post.
This year is gonna be different. Instead of measuring how much I don't get from posting videos, I'll count how much I DO get. I get to practice my speech and my relationship to my camera (OK that sounds weird). By relationship to the camera, I mean just being more comfortable, more confident in my speech and in myself. #workinprogress #progressing err, why am I hashtagging within a paragraph. But I digress.
I actually really enjoy just documenting this journey. I write here, but the visual and sound of it, is what I also want to document.
For now, I'll keep going and ignore the numbers. Someone once said, "if you build it, they will come." Kevin Costner I think. So I'm just gonna keep building and forget the numbers.