Today's the big day. No, it's not my wedding with Pikachu. Today is the day where I take the stage and perform for the very first time outside of a classroom setting/school related showcase. Gosh, I'm fuckin' nervous and anxious. But this is normal right? At this point, I'm just psyching myself out. So I want to sit, reflect, and write out reasons why I chose to pursue this profession. I know I write about it a lot here; but checking in with myself once in a while is good for the soul. And right now, I really need to check myself before I wreck myself. Ice Cube anyone? (I had to look up that reference, btw, ha.).
Ok, now where to start? Let me begin by saying I'm almost at my third year of studying as an actor. It's equivalent to studying three years at a law school, except I don't have a law degree, and my mom is not the happiest with me. She thought I'd be a lawyer--or at least that was what I promised her while still in college. After I graduated, I pursued politics in the community; but I really didn't feel that instant connection. Have you ever had that feeling where you know it ain't gonna work out? Yeah, I had that feeling. I jumped the gun after six months and quit my stable job to pursue this crazy thing. Did I ever think about the consequences? I don't think so. I just thought where I was working wasn't really for me, and I constantly dreamed of being a creative, so I jumped. I imagined great things to happen--fast, quick, and painless. But of course, nothing in life is like this. I am reminded everyday that I need to take the time to pursue this craft, that I need to know myself/experience life, that I need to be patient, that I need to work harder and smarter, that I need to realize that if I don't put in the necessary time and emotional patience and connection, I will not go anywhere.
After three years of running around, I can look back and say I've learned a lot of lessons. A lot of time dedicated to this craft, but knowing I can be better. A lot of time/money wasted, but in the end, I learned a lot about auditioning techniques, different casting offices in NYC, and how to proceed in the future. What's most important now is very simple: to do work. And I think that's where this play tonight comes into play.
We've been rehearsing for two months, and we played around with all different possibilities. It becomes looser and looser every time we meet. Process wise, I had a different interpretation of the script from the director--like the script is quite deep and dark, but the advice is: we shouldn't go there. Playing it like it's no big deal.. gives it less pressure. I will take this note and run with it tonight. No matter the outcome, it's always important to just enjoy the moments on stage and have fun. If you're not having fun, then what's the point of the play? It's called a play for that very reason .. right? Play, dammit.
I know in the audience tonight will be a lot of people I don't know. I also know a lot of my close friends and my brother is coming. My mother is not coming because she wouldn't understand anything anyway. I actually had a talk with her this past Tuesday. I, finally, was serious and told her my show is this Saturday, and will you come? She, of course, said acting is a frivolous hobby, and that one should only pursue it as a side thing. I heard those words and cried. Why would she say that if she already knows I've been pursuing it for so long? Or is she still in denial of the fact that I'm not pursuing something more stable? Either way, whether she's there or not tonight, the show must go on. I know she's secretly there in spirit.
So.. if you're free tonight, come and check it out. It's a showcase run by Artistic Asians Run on Shorts. It's the first she-bang, one-night only kind of engagement, and you'd be smoked if you missed it. 8:00-9:30pm EST, DCTV, 87 Lafayette Street, New York, NY 10013. You can still buy tickets at the door.
Afterparty is at South's, 273 Church Street, New York, NY 10013 -- around 10:30pm EST?
See y'all there.
With lots of love and kisses. <3 :)