This is my first attempt to perform a monologue in front of a camera (11 takes). I know I shouldn't have done so many takes, but the first few tries didn't feel real. When I think about acting, all I want is for it to be real. I found myself being stiff through the takes--maybe because I'm nervous. I think all actors get nervous, and it's okay. Especially that first breath you take before you start the monologue. Usually the start of the monologue is the hardest because you work up your nerves to jump start the whole thing, but once you start and get into the words, everything falls into place. (if you want to see how nervous I was, watch the bloopers). I hope this first attempt is something I can always look back on and think of ways to improve. What do you guys think?
Starting a Youtube Channel!
5 months ago, while I was struggling to decide whether to stay at my full-time position or let go and pursue my dreams, my friend suggested that I should just start a Youtube channel (and keep my job). It felt right. Why leave security and chase after something so uncertain? I decided to leave my job and just go for it! But even then, I didn't have any motivation to start a Youtube channel. There are a lot of people watching, and comments can be plain mean. I was scared. What if they tell me I suck?
On Friday, January 4, we started classes at The Barrow Group Theatre after a short winter recess, and bam, we are going to start what I was most afraid of: Shakespeare and monologues! Lee Brock (an amazing womyn and teacher, btw) told us to write down six of our favorite monologues. Everybody busted out their pen and paper and began to write--like they had it in their back-pocket all along. I struggled. I only have three somewhat memorized, and I barely remember the title of the play/solo show. It was a wake-up call. I knew I had to do something about it... and what can force me to do it time and after time? Starting a Youtube channel! (being public makes me more diligent/motivated)
If you want to follow my journey as an artist, subscribe to the channel. I might suck the first few times, and I know it. You can tell me I suck, or give me constructive criticism. Whatever you think, just be honest and tell me--it's all a part of the learning process. I might cry in my sleep, but at least I know I'll grow as an actor. So... thanks for watching in advance, and I hope you enjoy. :)
New Year, Same Dreams
2013, it feels weird pronouncing your presence, but i guess you were gonna be here sooner or later. So welcome. 2012 was one of the craziest year, ever! There were many twist and turns throughout the year: from being lost and confused about what I'm most passionate about after coming back from Hong Kong, to landing a position at the Congresswoman's office, to recognizing life is too short to live out others' expectation of you, to really finding the courage to pursue an unsteady, yet gratifying journey as an actor/writer. Everything--from decision a to b, took a lot of contemplation. Towards the tail-end of 2012, I kept thinking about how i had the balls to do half of the things i did. But i think they call this growth--or maturity.
For 2013, i want to continue to grow and mature as a worker and artist. I am thankful to be working for an organization i truly believe in, so planning and executing programs will be fun and exciting. I also want to learn and grow more as a performer and writer. I need to go out and watch more shows/movie and read more. I have to finish the script by the end of this month. I have to put in more work. I have to put in more work.
Some personal goals for 2013: -Eat out less and learn how to cook (the pan turned brown and the whole apartment smell burnt... and i was only cooking scrambled eggs!!!) -Recognize people who matter and appreciate them -Stay positive. I've been through a lot in my life that staying positive is something i constantly struggle with. Now that im mindful about it, im gonna work on it. It is a process. Gotta keep my head up. -Stay in shape. I almost died during my first day back at the gym three weeks ago. Now, im kicking ass (hehe jk). I signed up because my body was telling me something. I have to keep working on staying fit, or else i will be breathless/unhealthy again...yikes!
What did you do in 2012 and what are you hoping to accomplish in 2013?
Alive.
The world didn't end yesterday. Why am I not surprised!? I still remember the world "ending" was a big topic back in 2000. Y2K. Anyone remember that fiasco? I was in 5th grade and I didn't think too much about it. But this time, I'm older, and it's a bit different. Throughout this whole week, I felt worried. What if the world really did end on December 21, 2012? They called it DOOM'S DAY for a reason, right? Assuming that we might all die on Doom's Day, I kept reflecting upon this past year--how so much have changed within the past six months and what might happen within the next six months (if there is another six months). I kept going back to the "what-if's." What if I stayed? What if I did what others' thought was right for me? But I cannot stop thinking about the "why-not's." Why not try to do something you've always wanted to do? Why not try it now instead of later? Then, every doubt/fear will disappear. I think I'm slowly coming to terms with my decisions; and I'm feeling pretty damn good about it all.
Well, I'm glad the world didn't end, and that we're all still alive. If the world really did end, I lived life with no regrets. Bingo! Time to keep truckin' & hustlin'!
If the world were to end yesterday, what would be something you'd do to live a "fulfilled" life?
Blind Date?
When I got home tonight, the first thing my mom said to me was:"Judy, there is a guy that is 6'1 with a psychology degree. Would you like to meet him?"
My first impression was HELL NAW! And then I thought, I'm only 23--is this really happening?
And then I told my mom: "I'm interested in girls, and girls only." (to keep her from telling me about these "opportunities")
As of now, I'm not interested in dating/seeing anyone. I'm busy, and I can't imagine being with anyone--because it will take up even more time. I really need that extra time to sleep--like seriously. I'm pretty content being by myself or being with my family. Also, I feel like I have a lot of growing up to do before I want to be with anyone else; and that's the truth. I want to love myself before I love anyone else. So for now, I consider my career/growing up my boo.
Wanderlustin' Dreams
Lately, i have been thinking a lot about travel and new explorations. I guess you can say a travel bug is biting--hard! So i came up with a travel bucket list: places i have been to and places i want to explore more. I realized there are so many places i want to explore! Places i have been to:
-Hong Kong -Guangzhou, China -Toisan, China -Macau -Niagra Falls, Canada -Boston, MA -Northampton, MA -Pennsylvania, PA -Stamford, CT -San Diego, CA -San Francisco, CA (three times ♥) -Santa Barbara, CA -Los Angeles, CA
Places i want to check out before i turn 25 (ambitious, i know): -Shanghai -Beijing -Taiwan -Korea -Japan -Philippines -Thailand -Vietnam -Cambodia -India -Amsterdam -London -Toronto, Canada -Seattle, WA -Las Vegas, NV -Portland, OR -Chicago, IL -Salt Lake City, UT -Austin, TX -Dallas, TX -Los Angeles, CA (again!)
Do you have the same wanderlustin' dreams? ♡
Healthier Heart
Since last April, I have been going through a roller coaster with my health. At times, I will feel normal; but on some days, I'm off. I don't want to go into too much detail about what has been happening, I just know some things need to change. And today, I'm finally going to make a commitment and join the gym (commitment, gasp!). This is not the only time I had to make some sort of physical adjustment. From age 8-14, I was overweight from eating a bunch of junk food (I had chips with rice--you can never beat that combo). I was fat and out of shape. In junior high school, our teacher brought us to run along the East River. I tried jogging for a bit, but I ran out of breath. I asked if I can do some racewalking instead. Thinking about it now makes me laugh. Of course he said no and I had to run... everybody else was running. I almost died because we had to do a mile. I kept telling myself I can't do this, I can't do this. But my teacher came right beside me and asked if we can run together. I felt so embarassed, yet happy that he asked. And so, we ran together. Slowly, but surely, we finished the mile.
After that day, the whole class would run together during gym time. After a few classes, we also formed a track team. I joined and chose to run distance. I fell in love with running. I stopped running in high school and picked it up in college again. After college, I ran outside during the summer, but I would always give myself excuses--it was too hot or too cold. Now that it is indoors, I don't have any excuses. Commitment. I consider this an early Christmas present. I'm pretty excited about getting fit and training for a healthier heart. Cheers to a healthier me! :)
What kind of artist are you?
Yesterday, as I sat and observed others' performance in class, I thought about acting as a career for Asian Americans. I looked around me (saw nobody that looked like me) and thought about how everyone else will have greater odds in this industry because of their appearance. Thinking about this certainly distracted my performance. Sometimes I just can't help but think about the realities of this industry. On the other hand, I think about what it is still missing, and if I can bring something new to the table. What kind of artist am I? what kind of artist do I want to become? These are the questions I constantly have to ask myself. My boss asked this question last year, and I didn't have the answer to it. Now, I have a clearer sense of direction. I want to be an artist that write/act in my own material. I don't want to wait for another person to create or tell the story... I want to be a storyteller!
Right now, I'm in the midst of developing a script. I don't know whether to call it a screenplay or play. I did playwriting in college, but I focused a lot more on dialogue/character development rather than the form. I secretly wish it can go both ways.
(Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Had food poisoning this week and was busy working/watching new shows & movies. Ever since I started this blog, my goal was to update at least 2-3 times a week--ahh, wishful thinking!)
The City of Angels - Life Lesson: Nostalgia
For almost 5 years, i always wondered: when will i be able to visit LA? After taking many risks this past year, I finally decided to book a trip to the city of angels. It will be my sixth time in California--I have been to San Francisco three times, San Diego & Santa Barbara once--but it'd be my first time in lala land! I began to research different places to visit, or people I'd like to see/meet, especially those who have been influential to the Asian American community, for CineVue. In the end, I had the pleasure to speak with Abe & Anderson at Visual Communications, UCLA Professor Emeritus Robert Nakamura, and Giant Robot founder/owner Eric Nakamura. Though most of the interviews were for work, it didn't feel like i was working. It felt more like i was just speaking with friends who are passionate about the same things i do: APA identity formation, cinema, and the arts. We spoke about a lot of things, but some topics that stuck out to me was: how things have been done in the past, how technolgy changes the dynamics of storytelling, and how only true dedication and motivation can help you succeed--even if you have very little money.
In one instance, I asked the interviewee about the past and future, and he said he doesn't want to think about what was, or how it would be in the future; he just wants to focus on the present and do the best he can now. He also mentioned it is not good to be nostalgic because we have to move on forward and do things even better than what we have done in the past. I consider this piece of advice a life lesson.
This life lesson still keeps me thinking because i am pretty nostalgic when it comes to a lot of things--especially when it comes to the APA community. I always geek out and go googoogaga over archival materials at work (stuff that happened almost 40 years ago!) and I think about what it was like back then. I always compare the good ol' times and forget to look at what we have or can do now to make it as good as it was years ago. From listening to those who have been working in the community for a long time, and how they work to accomplish smaller goals now instead of looking back, it really inspires me to do the same.
I need to start changing my mindset and focus more on the present & live in the moment. I need to look in the past only for a point of reference, and not grow nostalgic over everything. Afterall, it's about pushing boundaries and forging forward. So to nostalgia, so long!
The City of Angels - Days of Discovery
When I booked the trip out to LA, my whole intention was to check out Kollaboration Star, a show consisting of finalists who have won their regional competition and is competing for the title to have a chance to perform in the MNet Music Awards in Hong Kong. I figured I'd be in for a treat because everyone is so talented. And yes, the show completely blew me away. It was not only the talent, but the heart, passion, and soul that transcended through their art. I can see and feel what they were all about--special congrats to Mike Izon from Kollaboration Honolulu for winning.
After Kollaboration Star ended, it was time to check out what this city has to offer! I thought LA would be walkable, but boy, I was wrong. We had to drive everywhere--from Glendale to San Gabriel Valley to Webminister to Downtown LA. Sometimes I get so carried away, I would forget to take photos, but I'm glad I had the ability to take pics of these landmarks and hot joints while out here.
And finally, I have been able to spot meaningful art, and check out food joints that are hidden. It just comes to show that your art/restaurant doesn't have to be fancy--it just has to be good, and people will naturally gravitate towards it.
I still have one more post for this LA Adventure. There were so many things to see and do ... I wish I had more time to do more! This only means I have to visit again. LA, you'd want me back, right? :)
The City of Angels - Settling in West
The first day is almost over. It is 2:08am in LA, but my body clock is still living on east coast time, so it's already 5:08am! Today was mostly chillin' and settling into the space: the city, the food, and the people. The weather was surprisingly cloudy and rainy. I always imagined LA to be sunny and bright, so it was a bit disappointing. But I have a feeling the sun will come out tomorrow-can't wait to get some vitamin d! I captured today's trip in a few quick shots.
Throughout the day, Linda, KNY team member, and I, had the pleasure to meet most of Kollaboration Seattle's team. Everyone is so nice, and when we were reflecting on our day, we agreed that everyone whom we have met (a lot of folks we just met today) are already acting like family. There's so much love going on that I cannot wait to meet everyone else from the Kollaboration Global team. It is Kollaboration's magic that is bringing and holding us together. #dowork #dreambig
Oh, and if you are in LA, Kollaboration Star is happening on Friday, November 16 at The Alex Theatre in Glendale. To buy tickets, go to Kollaboration's website.
See you all there! :)
Hong Kong
It's almost been a year since I visited Hong Kong. This is a photo I took while I was in Tsim Tsa Tsui. I knew I wanted to check out the nightlife, but still didn't have a chance. But hey, I checked out the nightlights. It's about the same, right? Anyway, I'm heading off to Los Angeles in a few minutes. Ahh, first time there, can't wait!
My heart is in the arts.
I remember last year around this time, I had a mental breakdown because I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do with my life. Maybe I was so anxious to know because in college, everything was so structured with a given deadline, that I, for one, thought there was a deadline to this thing called life. So I went around and asked for advice in areas that strikes my interest. It started with all professions deemed worthy, ranging from lawyers, to business folks, to professors/phd students from well known companies and institutions. I always ask about their journey: how they got where they are today, if it was their passion, and if they were happy. Most of the time, people tell me they are happy with their profession, but it took a long time to get there. One person, in particular, asked me what field i am interested in. I said, "I don't know. A lawyer? A politician? I really want to work for the community."