Every year I get prompted to renew my domain subscription in mid-March, which reminds me, I need to update this blog more than once or twice a year. Goal? Update once every two months.
I have been living in my head for a long time, for the past nine months if you will. Life has been challenging since returning to NYC last June. It’s been great seeing friends I haven’t seen in a while. After a month or so, I started to get antsy. People kept asking me about my experience in LA. After the initial conversation, everything faded. What else can I tell them? How I truly felt about the double writer-actor strike? How my dreams of moving to LA permanently ... disappeared? Or how unemployment was slowly taking over my conscience? I had a lot to grapple with: a tremendous amount of joy as I was a part of the most amazing opportunity ever, but coming back to NYC quickly snapped me back to reality. The job market was super tough and funemployment only lasts so long. How am I going to live … or do I want to live? (okay, that took a dark turn……).
I took time off to do a major reset. I took a step back and assessed different areas of my life: when & where was I the happiest? Who brought joy into my life? As I get older, I think deeper about friendships and who I decide to let into my life. Sometimes I wonder if I'm on the #NoNewFriends bandcamp, or if I'm on the #EveryoneIsMyFriend bandcamp. When I was younger, everyone I met was considered a friend. Now that I'm older, I'm a bit more guarded. I hate to be guarded though because it creates a lot more emotional labor. I should find a middle-ground: everyone is a friend unless they do something sus, then it's game over.
During this interim, I made a short film with a tiny but mighty crew (5 crew members + myself + 1 other cast member). It's my second rodeo at making a film. I felt so messed up from making my first one, that making this second one… also messed me up.. just a lil less. My friend Kayla, who also happened to AD/Scripty this project, told me a few moons ago that making a short film is the same amount of effort & stress as making a feature. I did not understand what she meant until I did it.. especially since it was a signatory/union project. She was right. It really is. I just didn't make it into a feature because: a) a feature will cost 10x the budget and b) i already cleared out my savings account (don't tell my mom). I can write on and on about this project, but I will save it for another day. This means... I will *crossing fingers* update this blog more often.
If I don't, bug me to update it more often. Thanks in advance! ;)