For the past week or so, a lot of thoughts swam through my mind. I became hyperconscious of these thoughts, and most of them are somewhere along the lines of: have I done enough? Am I doing anything? Or what have I done? In other words, I keep stressing about how far I still need to go, rather than how far I've come. For me, it's easy to compare myself to x, y, and z. I think it's a natural thing for me to do... maybe because I used to be an overly competitive person. Over the college years, that sense of competitiveness died out because I was more focused on learning rather than numbers. At some point, I loathe people who worry about that GPA. I very much felt relaxed and enjoyed learning much more.
I don't know why that sense of needing to be at the finish line is resurfacing these days. I guess it's because of uncertainty? Other than that, it's just about sitting back, and enjoying the ride. Maybe it's not about the end product, and much more about the process. Maybe our sense of reaching success (however you define it) can overpower your sense of doing work. How can one let go of that sense of wanting to get there? I'm still trying to figure it out. I guess that's only human?
Sometimes letting go is the easiest thing to do, but often forgotten.
And I guess someone in class said something that really spark this thought process, and it goes:
older dude to a younger dude: how old are you kid? YD: it doesn't matter. OD: well, I've been in the game longer than you. You've got years ahead of you.
It's about the process. It's about patience. Do the work, sit back, and enjoy the bumpy ride. If you can't handle turbulence, get off the ride, and take another train.
That is life. I'm still learning.