Yes, those are tears. So last Thursday, I was washing veggies in prep for dinner and my phone ding'd. I ran over to check, and it was from NY International Fringe Festival. Omg, I thought. The email took a while to load, and I was like please load faster, please. Then it loaded, and I got the notification saying that I didn't make it in, again.
It burned. I don't know why but it hurts a lot more this time compared to last year's rejection. I think it's because I spent so much time rewriting it and developing it, and I thought it will grow my chances of becoming a part of this Fringe community. Like I wanted to make it so bad. But I fell short.
But I don't think I fell short though. I wrote a 3-dimensional Chinese American character. I'm sorry I didn't write about struggling with my identity or looking to repair my relationship with my mother/father/family. It seems like those are Asian American themes, and I didn't write within that "Asian American Joy Luck Club" box. Not all of us are going through that shit, ok?
What I have is a badass chick. Like if I didn't tell you she's Asian or Chinese, it could've been anyone (has to be a person of color) from an inner city public high school. Like she talks hood because that's where she's from. She ain't afraid to show it and can seriously fight you if you mess with her. (But trust me, she ain't about to get suspended).
My friend once told me to not pay attention to festivals because those festivals don't define who you are as an artist (thanks E!). You are an artist and you made that piece of art because you want to tell and share that story. Having it in a festival doesn't mean anything. Just keep hustling. Keep going ~
I'll sign off by saying that I'm still going to put this out in a theatre, open for the public in the Fall. Yassss to self-producing. Gotta believe in yourself before you wreck yourself.
Watch out world! I'm comin for yaaaaa! :-)
Tears