Today marks the last day of script analysis class. Seriously? I wish we can go on and on with the class because as the weeks progressed, most of us grew sharper in deciphering texts within minutes. I certainly went from sucking at script analysis to getting better. I say getting better because I know I still suck, and it's still a work in progress. But at least I'm not far off or spacing out when breaking down a script (I swear, sometimes, I have ADD and cannot focus on reading a script). Now that I have the tools, every step I take in acting out the scene will become clearer for me. When it becomes clearer to me, it will definitely be clearer to the audience. Woo! I feel super accomplished. This back-to-the-basics method/mentality really taught me to appreciate the words a lot more than just pulling shit out of my ass. Seriously. I feel more confident as an actor. I cannot wait to return to TBG this fall/winter with my newfound set of skills. P.S. Industry showcase is this winter. Gotta start prepping. #peeinmypants
Last leg: Songbird
I can't believe how time flies -- and I haven't posted in about 1.5 months already. Life has been so busy with the film festival lately, so I haven't been working on my own stuff as much. We're now in war mode, so that explains why I haven't been posting (but that's no excuse, right?). During the last section of the first-year at The Barrow Group, we were assigned to do classics. I chose a snip-bit between Mrs. Linde & Nora from A Doll's House by Henrik Ibsen. We had about a month+ to work on it, so it was pretty intense. I remember I had to buy a long dress because that's what womyn wore back in the days. I also put on red lipstick to get into the traditional wife mindset (lipstick makes me look a bit older). When it comes to memorizing the lines, which is always a struggle, it took me about 2 weeks. I memorized it whenever I can--at work, on the subway, at home, with my scene partner. I know it takes me a while to memorize lines, but after I memorized the lines, I found it so much easier to play with what's around me. We were always taught to memorize and throw away the lines because it will come back to us. I always have that instinct to hang on to exact words. Surprisingly, sometimes when I throw away the lines, it somehow comes back to me. Other than the lines, I focused a lot on really getting down the whole story of the play. I read it 4 times to see how the scene really fit into the story. At first, I only focused on the scene itself--with specific instructions on how to play the "greatest story ever told" direction, but when we played with it in class again, our teacher Seth asked about the sequence of events + how the scene had to do with the rest of the story. I just sat there, blank-faced because a) I blanked out and b) I really need to do some homework and read before I make random choices without knowing why. After reading the whole play, I realized how critical this scene is to Nora and her relationship with her husband: she finally reveals/confesses to someone that she did something terribly wrong in order to save her husband's life. That's pretty big!
In terms of really playing it, I had a hard time trying to find a balance between between so excited vs. just serious. Knowing Nora, on the surface at least, she seems like a pretty mindless person. If we were to only read the scene, then it seems like something so serious; but if you relate it to Nora and her life, then she can say it so casually but it will still mean a great deal because of the words coming out of her mouth. The WORDS! That's what's important. That's the most important takeaway from the last bit of the first-year.
My Girlfriend's Boyfriend: Mike Birbiglia at Carnegie Hall
Last night, I had the pleasure of watching Mike Birbiglia's solo show "My Girlfriend's Boyfriend" at the Carnegie Hall. I was so excited.. I didn't know what to expect. I first knew of Mike at The Barrow Group Theatre (TBG) some time in October 2012. His picture, the classic picture of him in pajamas and holding onto a teddy bear, is hung in the lobby. I asked my classmate, "who is that dude?" And then I found out his name is Mike Birbiglia, and he did an indie film called SLEEPWALK WITH ME. I then proceeded to wiki him and found out he was also a comedian. Whao!--I thought. I told myself I would definitely check out his film while it plays at IFC, but you know when you say I'll definitely check it out, and you never do? Yeah, I'm soooo guilty of that. Fast forward seven months later, he returns to TBG for a seminar with Seth Barrish; and I told myself, I'll definitely check it out. But guess what? I can't, because I will be in LA during that time. Two weeks later, I found out he will perform at Carnegie Hall, and I jumped up and said, I'll definitely check it out--and I did!
Okay--now back to the show: the show was freakishly amazing. This is my first time at Carnegie Hall, and my first time watching a solo show (without falling asleep!!!). I have a tendency of falling asleep during theatre performances, and this show kept me awake, all 1 hour and 37 minutes of it. First, we had Ira Glass preface the show with a story about a dance company finding luck in the mega million lottery game + two ballet dancers glancing across the stage with a solid number. It was so priceless with Mr. Glass himself starts dancing after he reveals that the dance company did not win the lottery. They gracefully introduced Mike. Mike came out with an untucked button-down shirt, faded jeans, and a pair of white sneaks. Immediately, we all knew the show was gonna be super chill. And then he said something along the lines of, "I can't believe this is happening here," and i thought me too, me too! Carnegie Hall is traditionally know as a venue for orchestra performances or something super formal, so I was pretty shocked it was held there. But our attention was immediately drawn then to his parents who came to support the show. I had tears in my eyes at that point. But then he told the story of how his mother sold him her car for $2,000 when he first started out because she didn't see anything of it. At that point, I just nodded in agreement. He also told us a story about how we should turn off our cell phones because a lady at another show had her cell phone go off and didn't know how to turn it off--gahhh distraction, that's a performer's worst nightmare (but then if you're awesome, you'll know how to play it off). Then, the show finally began. He told the story about not believing in marriage, his t-bone car accident, his teenage dating experiences, not being a part of the make-out club but finally getting into it after lying to his friends but finds out he's a really bad kisser from Sandy-the-brace-face, and then finding love with Jenny, disbelieving in marriage .. still, but then still getting married, and still paying $12,000 for that t-bone car accident in which he was hit by a Benz. What a show!!! I sat on the edge of my seat the whole time. I let out a few LOLs, but at times, I laughed awkwardly because some things were just too true to be true. I can honestly say I had a grand old time.
It was such an amazing experience to watch a performer work the whole stage. No props, no nothing. Just themselves, the story, the lights, and a stool. I am definitely blown away by the story and his delivery. If only I can someday do the same. Still dreaming...
Monologue 10: Go Buck on a Motherf*cker!
Seriously, this is my favorite play. It is horrible because I curse left and right, but I think the inner "hood" girl in me comes out. I've never "acted" like this in front of other people -- wait, when I get angry at work, this side of me comes out -- but it is definitely something I can bring out if I want to. Many people think I'm a nice sweet girl when they meet me. When I was at Trader Joes, the cashier asked me what I was reading, and I said The Motherfucker with the Hat. He laughed. He said, "But you're so sweet looking.." Anyway, he doesn't know anything about me. At first, I tried recording this video in the subway station because it looked gritty -- perfect for this monologue. But then I realized it might be better indoors. It is quieter and I can focus more. I did several takes. The first take just to warm-up to the lines (I record my videos from first-take on because sometimes I am more relaxed during the first go), and as I get more and more familiar with the lines... the circumstances kick in and I get so angry and I do it so much faster. I always wonder if I need to slow down towards the end. I end up having two cuts. First cut is just getting the lines down, and then surprisingly, second take was good. Towards the 5th and last take, my words became so much more fluid. I get more relaxed and I also allow myself to just speak like an normal person. When you're so caught up in playing a character -- a make-believer, that you forget to act like a normal human being. So a future assignment I'll throw myself is just to stop thinking what an actor does or how a normal human being acts, and just act.
I hope I don't have to think and just do it. But it takes lot of practice. Practicing now...
Monologue 9: Poor as Job's Turkey!
First time playing with the Southern accent? Yes! It just came to me. I guess I have been watching too much THE WALKING DEAD lately. Rick, the main character, has a Southern accent. I kept thinking about him when I was doing my takes. I believe this is the 5th take. I only had about 10 minutes to record this before work, and I was so nervous. The first few tries was just to get down the accent and the lines. I realized how easy it gets once you down the lines. You just get a move quicker and actually focusing on acting. I think I did that with this monologue. I will do this from now on and see what happens.
Monologue 8: Searching for My Mother
Whao, I totally forgot to post a blog entry for this monologue when I was done one and a half week ago. This monologue is super special to me because I used it for college acting auditions. When I was 17 and working with this monologue, I felt I had to be big in my breath and movement. I had to "act" older and pretend to be a valley girl. I definitely see some diva in her that i really liked. After working on my craft for a few months, I just look back at how silly I was to do it the way I did in 2006. I definitely over exaggerated every line. As I grow as a performer, I realized less is more -- this is a philosophy taught at The Barrow Group.
Monologue 7: Baba - Father
I wrote this monologue out of a whim about three weeks ago. I remember sitting at the bakery last spring, watching him and the two kids come in the bakery, getting things for them, caring for them, and I just sat in silence. Patrons would ask if they're my siblings, and I would just ignore them. I guess they think I'm rude; but I don't give a fuck. I just try to eat as fast as I can to leave the bakery, so there'd be no more questions asked. I still remember the anger and frustration I felt during the whole meal. As if watching him with them wasn't enough, the peanut gallery had to add wood to the fire. Sometimes I find myself tearing up, and most of the time, I'll tell myself to stop. Why cry over a man who don't love you no more? I deal with it. Or I try my best to ignore it.
He will never understand the pain he caused us. Believe me, it still hurts. I'm just trying my best to ignore it. Or I'm just trying to tell myself everything is okay, when maybe it's not. Seriously. I need to not give a fuck because it's over and done with. I need to be a stronger person. I need to learn how to let go. It's all a part of growing up.
Letting go...
Monologue 6: Fat Pig
It's crazy how much I think about weight and body image these days. I think it's because of the external pressure of how an actor should look like that makes me very conscious of what I eat and how it will make me look. I can't deny the fact that diet, a conscious choice of healthy eating, has been a big part of my life for the past month or so. It's so hard to keep up with it sometimes, but I'm slowly learning self-discipline and cutting back on eating processed and junk foods--which brings me to FAT PIG by Neil Labute. I first heard of this play through a male classmate who did a monologue out of it. Within the monologue, he talked about how shameful he felt about his mother's weight issue, and I immediately got sucked into the story. I decided to buy the book, read it, and picked out this part of the play to play with. As an obese child, I knew I can find something in this play I can relate to.
It was hardest monologue for me. For various reasons, I found myself in the "actor" mode. Like ... how will this girl feel when she is confessing to the boy she likes a lot that she will do anything to herself to change for him? That was a truckload to digest. I tried too hard to think about the words, and at some point in class, I totally forgot my lines and didn't even know how to deliver it. I tried recording the monologue at home right after I left class, but I had so much trouble. What was Helen feeling at the moment? I kept thinking about how Helen might've thought. I knew I was trapping myself into creating a certain emotional character for her, so I decided to take a week's break from the material. I woke up on Wednesday morning (4/3) and decided it was time to record this video... and this is the 3rd take. I did 4 takes, but decided this one was more natural and conversational compared to the other takes. What do you think?
As much as I care about body image, I don't think I'll change myself for anyone in this world. I think Helen has a lot to work on, if she wants to be with Tom. But the story never got up to that point... oh wait, why am I spoiling the play. Go borrow or buy the play to find out what happens between Tom, the good-looking boy, and Helen, the so-called "fat pig." It's a really interesting read and what our society thinks is beautiful these days. Definitely spoke out to me, and I hope it will for you too.
MONOLOGUE 5: Just Go
While shopping at The Drama Bookshop, I found a play called THE MOTHERFUCKER WITH THE HAT by Stephen Adly Guirgis that spoke deeply to me. The whole play is set up in NYC, and it talks about a drug addict, her husband who was recently released from prison, and their complicated relationship with two friends. In this monologue, I play Veronica, the drug addict, who tries to break it off with her husband's best friend. I struggled so much to play her character because of the circumstances in this scene--I had to figure out how to play a Puerto Rican woman from NYC, and how to be high in this scene. I held on to these two things as I did a few takes, but found myself a bit stiff/fake. Towards the end, I was running out of time (the flip video cam only holds about an hour of footage), so I just said fuck it, and did it without thinking too much... and that's the take you're watching now.
**I tried bleeping out the word fuck, but obviously, you can still somewhat hear it. I hope youtube doesn't take it down! ***In this scene, I was talking to myself in a bed and then by a door, but I actually spoke to Pikachu, and it was quite hard holding in the laughter. He's too cute for me to tell him any of this, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.
MONOLOGUE 4: Gotta have Faith
Every time I do this monologue, I feel like I'm in high school again. As a teenager, I worked with kids and as a receptionist at an orthodontist's office. I never worked at McDonalds, but can definitely relate to Faith, the character in this monologue, who has to go through hell because of entitled customers. I have dealt with difficult characters in many different situations, and can definitely relate to her frustration. I did several takes. At first, I recorded this monologue while sitting down. But then I realized it is so much better doing this monologue standing up--because a real McDonalds worker will be standing up; so I asked my brother to help me record it. He gave me a limit of 10 minutes, and this is the last and best take. What do you think?
(I swear I have this much swag in real life ;D)
Letter to my mother
About two nights ago (Thursday night), I fell asleep on the couch while typing up an email. My mom nudged and asked if I was interested in going to a family gathering on Saturday, March 23, and in my sleepy state, I said "sure." I went back to my nap. Then she asked what I'm doing on Saturday, March 30, and I told her I have to perform in a show. SHIT! I immediately woke up. She asked me, "What show?" "A comedy show," I answered. *Awkward silence. "Are you a side character?" she asked. "Not really," I answered. *Awkward silence. The conversation ended. She went to bed. The next morning, I woke up morning with an urge to give her the low-down. Yes, last night was a complete fuck-up freudian slip, but I think it's god's way of telling me that it's time to let it all out. Just tell her, goddamnit! So I went around the room looking for paper to write on. All I found were bank slips (my mom takes bank slips and leave us notes every morning), and I didn't wanna write on 'em because it wasn't formal. I want this to be a very formal/serious thing. So I found a pack of cards with puppies on 'em. My mom hates cats/dogs, but I don't have anything else, so I used it.
I haven't written Chinese in a long time too; it felt weird writing it again. I fucked up so bad in my first sentence. I wrote two characters wrong, and I used an expired White-Out tape that made it all messy. I had to make it look neat, and serious. So I started over and made sure I google-translated all the characters I'm looking for. In the end, I poured my heart out on paper--for the first time. It felt weird. It felt weird telling my mother on paper what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Why didn't I just tell her, I thought. But that will only end up in arguments. So yeah, writing a letter definitely made it easier. I quickly dropped off the letter while she was working and sped off. I can't let her read it in front of me. I don't want to see her reaction.
For those who cannot read Chinese, here's what it says:
Mom,
It's been six months since I've been in school--can't believe how time flies. Are you wondering what I'm studying? Actually, I really want to tell you what I'm studying, but I don't know if you will understand me ... or you might even disagree with my decision. I'm scared. I'm scared you will stop me from doing this. But I really want you to know because I respect you. You and Ken are my main motivations in life, and I want you to bless me on this journey.
Acting and writing is my dream. I hope you will allow me to be persistent about this career choice. Maybe you will disagree with my decision, but I'm very serious about this. I won't give up! I hope you will support me.
-Judy
She finally called me while I was in class and left a message. She told me there were many typos... and that I was short; there's a lot of pretty people; and how the entertainment industry is very complicated; this career choice is very impractical, and that I should concentrate on a professional field that can make a steady paycheck. She could have went ape-shit, but she just got real and straight-up told me how she felt. She thought I was gonna pursue politics or the path of becoming a lawyer (this was all my practical ambitions before I decided that politics might not be my thing). She told me her hopes and dreams were gone. I felt so awkward hearing that. I don't know how to tell her what it was like working in politics, and what it is like pursuing something I enjoy doing now. I understand her concerns; I really do, because these are the things I think about every single day.
The stubborn part of me want to go on this unsafe ride, this unsafe journey. It'd be bumpy, painful, and scary ride for sure, but I'm willing to ride it out. I don't want to live life with any regrets, so I'm doing what I'm set out to do, and commit to it. I want to prove to her that this is something that I can accomplish before I tell her anything more. Maybe someday I'll figure out a way to tell her. In less typos, of course. Just gotta find a way--but the time isn't right yet. For now, I'm just left without words--just gotta ride it out.
Monologue 3: Swallowing the Bitterness
When I did this monologue in class, I was so nervous. Not nervous about the performance (a little), but mostly because of the content. The subject matter within this monologue--racial tension between the Black and Asian community--holds a special place in my heart. As I was searching through the book for a monologue that speaks to me, I found "Swallowing the Bitterness" by Anna Deavere Smith. It is a monologue about Mrs. Young-Soon Han, a former liquor store owner, and her relationship with the Black community after the LA Riots in 1992. I can never imagine what it was like going through turmoil--both physically and emotionally. The sense of loss, confusion, and never being able to find justice. It was something I can always relate to. So right when I read through this piece in "Extreme Exposure," I knew I had to work on it. I did this with only one-take, and I'm super proud of myself! :D I recorded many more takes, but felt the first one was the most raw. I hope you enjoy it! -- Will write more of the backstory of why & how I developed an interest in this subject matter later. For now, I have to run to work!
#21ANDOVER opens in theatres today!
I had an opportunity to watch 21&OVER on Wednesday night before it premieres theatrically today, and boy was it something! It was a crossover between THE HANGOVER and SUPERBAD--with crazy party scenes, obnoxious moments, and just some plain cringe-worthy scenes. It will surely make you reminisce those good ol' college days.
Overall, I was thrilled to see Justin Chon on the big screen. I discovered him through Youtube, and I secretly dubbed him as the "screaming Youtube guy." In 21&OVER, he plays Jeff Chang, the stereotypical obedient Asian son. At first, I was like oh no, not another blockbuster with this typecasted Asian male character. But as the plot moves along, Justin broke out of the norm and became a wild party animal that falls unconscious for most of the film. Hilarity ensues, and after all is said and done, he stands up for what he most believes in and confronts his father. (This reminded me of Mike Chang's featured episode on GLEE). He stood up for himself and confessed his passion in music. That pasion for the arts is something more and more Asian Americans can relate to nowadays.
Maybe two years ago, if I was still writing my thesis about Asian Americans in the arts movement and this film came out, I don't know how I'll make of it... because on one hand, yes it is stereotypical and shit, but the twist at the end was the saving grace--although I must say, it was a bit abrupt. I wish we got to hear or see more of Justin's backstory: his stress in school, how he interacted with Francois Chau who plays his father, and what drove him to that breaking point of letting go and wanting nothing more but his passion for music.
This movie is certainly something I can relate to, and I'm sure it will take you on an unforgettable journey. It opens everywhere today, so go watch it and help Justin Chon buy that speedboat!
For my mom: a letter you will never read
I had an emotional whirlwind while taking the train this morning. I had to write down everything i felt (did not bother hitting the backspace), and wanna say to my mom--if i had the courage... And here it goes:
It's not like i dont want to give you money, it's just that i cant at the moment. If i had a choice, i wouldnt ask you for anything. I know you are wondering why im working at a job that has low pay, or what im actually studying; but to be honest, i dont know how to tell you. I dont know how to tell you how much i love the arts and that is where my heart is. I know making money is important, and i know i should find something more stable.
In a perfect world, you will accept my decisions. But for now, i do not have the courage to tell you anything. Do you care? If you know, will you try to stop me? That is what im most afraid of, and that is why im not sharing anything with you.
I want to be the best daughter you imagined me to be. Right now, i cant be the stable 9-5 kind of human being. I can just be the 10-6 type of crazy artist you disagree with. I hope i can tell you one day, and you will accept me for who i am.
I wish you can be proud of me.
No fear? Shakespeare!
So tomorrow is the last day for Shakespeare at The Barrow Group. No!!! To be completely honest, I never liked Shakespeare. I had to read it in high school for regular & AP English classes and didn't understand the stories most of the time. Maybe because I couldn't understand the text all too well. But at TBG, Seth really encourages us to know what we're saying. Why is it important, you may ask: because you'll look dumb if you don't! I sometimes don't understand a single word that comes out of my mouth, and it shows because the audience (aka my fellow classmates) cannot comprehend whatever I'm "trying" to act out. So the bottom line really is to understand the text fully, know what you're saying, and you will do Shakespeare and the audience a favor.
I played around with several characters from different plays. I started out with the Malvolio monologue because he was one of the most memorable characters in the Twelfth Night. Although my high school did not have a drama program, we were privileged to attend Twelfth Night at the Brooklyn Academy of Music in spring 2007. I slept through the whole performance (opps!) EXCEPT for the last part, when Malvolio came out cross-gatered. I drooled in my short nap too, but the sound of Malvolio's cry woke me up! ;) Def one of the reason why I chose him. Aside from the scary first performance with Twelfth Night's Malvolio, I did scene study with Lucetta in the Two Gentlemen of Verona last Wednesday, and tomorrow, I will be playing Adriana in The Comedy of Errors. I pretty much was lost--but I slowly gained an understanding of how Shakespeare uses his words to guide his actors & audience.
A bit on the process: I had such a hard time memorizing lines for all Shakespeare texts, but I had such a great time putting in the work to figure it out. I fell in love with it so much that I bought the First Folio of Shakespeare--the original text. It's cool to see how his work have been transformed into modern publication, and how editors change his words to make sense of it. It's a good reference book to keep, and I always get a kick out of the difference between the real deal and the publisher's copy. I'm so scared of forgetting my lines tomorrow, but fuck it! Let's finish Shakespeare off with a bang!
MONOLOGUE 2: Why hello, Malvolio!
I took a month-long break from monologue-making--sorry! I was super swamped with work (transitioned into a new position) and classes (I'm taking improv at UCB and I absolutely love it!); so lots has been changing and happening in my life .. for the better. But!
I didn't forget about my Youtube Channel. I have been working on a Shakespeare monologue during this down period, and it is what you see in the video. This time, I limited myself to three takes ... three takes only! Remember how I did 11 takes in the first one? Yeah, I try to be fair and do less this time. Hope you enjoy the video. Don't forget to subscribe & like! ;)
Not gonna give up!
Lately, I have been feeling a bit stressed. At times, I wondered if I had made the right decision to become an artist amd organizer. It feels like a constant struggle because I have a lack of knowledge within the field of acting & I don't have a mentor and it is hard navigating this path on my own; and working at a nonprofit with limited resources can be exhausting. I only wish I can find answers to my long list of questions, and sometimes the only person I can turn to is myself. It's hard. On the surface, it seems so easy. But in reality, I feel like I have to put in 10x the effort to produce work, and not get anything in return. I never asked for anything in return, because I chose this path on my own. My mom doesn't know what I'm doing, or she is playing dumb... but sometimes I wish I can just tell her what my dreams are: to create a kickass experience at the film festival for the staff, audience, filmmakers, and volunteers and to become the best actor I can be. I'm just starting out in this long, hard journey--and it is just gonna get tougher. There is a lot of pressure I give myself, and I know I should let it go before I burn out. This kind of pressure pushes me to the edge sometimes, but I keep telling myself that it is all gonna be worth it once it is over. Maybe when more staff comes on board, or when I find a mentor, it'd be easier. But for now, I just go to the gym and run miles to relieve the stress. (Hopefully, I won't develop monster calves :P).
A Long Road Ahead
Yesterday, I had an amazing time on the set of a feature length film. This is my first acting gig in a feature film. I was excited. Although I had two short scenes, I worked hard in both. The scene with no lines was purely visual cue, whereas the scene with lines made me very conscious of the way I'm delivering the lines. At some point, I was mindful and asked myself why can't I do this? We did several takes and I found myself getting stiffer and stiffer. In the end, we did one last take and moved on. I always tell myself not to pay attention to the emotions of delivering any sort of lines because it locks you into a certain mode; but on set, it is best to go with what the director has in mind. I need to adapt more. I need to listen more. I need to adjust more. I guess I was nervous? I know the more I do this, the easier it'll take--so I'm ready to put myself out there and get more experience. Afterall, practice makes perfect, right? I don't know how the scenes turned out--I am excited to watch the playback! :-)
After finishing the two scenes, I went home. I had a headache and was completely exhausted. I never knew that acting can be so draining, but it is and I love it.
I caught the flu, too: sore throat, semi-stuffy nose, and mucus. I caught it earlier in December, and I can't believe I caught another one. Guess I gotta rest and stay mute. I'm starting improv classes at Upright Citizens Bridgade Theatre tomorrow, so I don't know how this mute thing will work. Maybe it'll make the scene even funnier? Who knows. The class goes on for eight weeks with a final performance in the end of March. If you're in NYC and wanna come and watch it, let me know! It's always great to have friends in the audience. :)
ALL THE RAGE | Martin Moran
Today, I had the pleasure to catch a rehearsal of ALL THE RAGE, a solo show performed by Martin Moran and directed by Seth Barrish (my TBG teacher). At first when Seth invited the class to go watch the show, I hesitated a bit because I wasn't sure how well I'll hold up during the show. I always have a tendency to fall asleep during plays (opps, please don't kill me), or I will end up super confused if characters talk too fast--or I just don't get what's coming out of their mouths. But today, I understood everything. In short, Martin Moran's performance blew me away. Not only did he work every part of the stage--the way he told the story, from beginning to end, adding in all the complexities of meeting different people to discover his own voice & confidence to confront his fear/secret, was empowering. At some point, I felt tears rushing towards the tip of my eye, and then at another point, I mhmm'd in agreement. As he went on the emotional journey/discovery, he reminded me what it means to be brave. I am hardly moved by theatre pieces, but this one definitely made me feel something.
The show runs from January 19 through February 24 at The Peter Jay Sharp Theatre on 416 West 42 Street (between 9 + 10 Avenue). Check out the Facebook page for more information, and let me know if you're going. I hope to catch it again!
Growing Up, Moving On Out.
Growing up, I never thought about growing up. It's true. I always knew we would all get older someday, but I never thought about what it really means--until about a few months ago. I met with my mentor, whom I consider one of my best friends, and we were catching up about life. One thing that came out of the conversation is pursuing one's dream and what it really means to be independent while doing so--especially when people around you aren't aware of what you're doing/if they will be supportive, if at all, when they find out. Having this conversation forced me to think about moving on out. It was and still is so scary. To give a little backstory, I am currently living with my brother, and we are one floor apart from our mother. We have our own space, but we are still very close to her. We hang out on Saturdays during her day-off; we have dinner together everyday; we watch television together; we talk and (sometimes) yell at each other (that's the way we talk, btw). In other words, we are very close as a family--and many factors have led up to this point. When I imagine growing up/older, I never thought about leaving my family behind. We have been through so much together that I cannot imagine living life without them in it.
Around me, I see a lot of my friends living by themselves or with friends and they appear to be very independent. It makes me question where I am now; and if I, too, should move out of my comfort zone (my home), and make my own way. I feel so attached to my family right now, and I don't see myself leaving anytime soon. But I feel like somewhere down the line, I will need to physically move out of New York City (to LA?), to leave home.
Maybe then, I can live and dream elsewhere. Will it make me hungrier for my dreams? I don't know. For now, I just want to live out everyday as a new way for me to discover a path I can call my own. It's some scary shit. Maybe the messy-twenties? I don't know what is going to happen in the future... only time will tell--and the clock is ticking!