Solo Show Preview

It's always impossible until it's done, and I did it!

On May 1, 6, and 7, I did a preview of my solo show called THE WORLD'S GREATEST. Words can't really describe what it took for me to write the show or describe what I felt throughout the whole writing / production / actually inviting people process; but I will try to articulate it as much as possible. 

Let me begin by sharing the reason why I wrote the show: I visited my high school in 2009 as an Urban Ed Fellow for a month during January break. I was a sophomore at Smith College at the time, and I was taking a class called "Education in the City." There was a list of high schools for us to choose from for the fellowship program, but because I went to a high school in the city, I thought, why not do the fellowship at my high school? At that point, it was two years after I graduated from Bergtraum. I really didn't think it was a bad school when I was a student there--even though it was constantly being threatened to shut down by the Board of Education because of poor attendance and bad test scores. However, after the first week of the fellowship, I realized Bergtraum might've gotten worse. It might not be the same school that I went to because after Martin Luther King HS got shut down, a lot of kids transferred over to Bergtraum. Fights became more frequent and security was increased as a result of on-going violence. The school might just shut down for good this time.

During that fellowship, I was critically thinking about all the problems at Bergtraum and how it related to education policies aimed at inner city public high schools (The No Child Left Behind Act: standardized testing, demoralizing teaching by teaching for a test, no sense of place at the school for students/faculty/admins, etc.). I thought it was funny how "No Child Left Behind" caused a lot of Bergtraum kids to drop out and legit get left behind--even when I was there. I was pretty much observing just one class for the entire month, and things were going okay for a short while. Then, a week or two before the fellowship ended, shit broke out (a stampede occurred, and because Bergtraum is a triangular school with no dead end on the 1st, 3rd, and 4th floor, kids were stomping around and around. My teacher, at that point, called the school a zoo). I honestly don't know what caused the stampede, but I think it might be the students' way to resist all the added security. The whole situation made the school environment super hostile. Close the last day of the fellowship, a kid cursed my high school history teacher out. I think that was the last draw for me. I felt angry, confused, and frustrated. Since I was a spoken word fiend at the time, I wrote a poem about the whole situation. This poem is the seed / in a way, the heart of the solo show.

As I was writing the solo show, I thought the seed for the show was "too much" or for a lack of a better word preachy, and decided to water down the whole situation by making some stuff up to smooth over the story. And that's the version that was presented for the previews.

Now looking back, I should've written the truth man. What the fuck was I thinking? The truth hurts; but at the same time, there's so much pain/humor that comes from the truth. And that's where I am with the piece right now. Trying to write the truth, and from the heart. I've been getting a lot of feedback from people who came to watch the show. I'm now at a point where I'm reworking and rewriting the whole show. Hoping to write more shit that went down without feeling pressured or wondering if people will like/find these stories funny. Seriously, fuck what people think. Write the damn truth. That's why you started writing this in the first place. Don't think. Just do it.

In terms of production, finding the venue was the easiest because I rented out my acting school's studio theatre (The Barrow Group, wsup?) for two previews on May 6 and 7. Then came time to inviting people. Man, I wanted to make it special and not just a Facebook or email invite. So I brainstormed a list of people who I wanted to come see the show -- it's a list where, if I was to die the day after the previews, and these people saw the show, I would be happy type of situation. I texted/FB/emailed all the people on that list for their mailing addresses. Then I bought some red envelopes from Paper Source and even a golden sharpie to punk them into thinking I'm sending them a wedding invitation. (Wedding? No boo yet. Seriously, not now, not now. Still gotta hustle.) Then in late February/early March, I proceeded to follow-up and ask if people wanna come. Most said yes, some were busy for Mother's Day, and then some I asked over and over again / they still cannot make it. You're not my friend if you didn't come! (just kidding) I then found out that some invites never arrived at their doorsteps / got bounced back to my home -- two months after I sent it out. It broke my heart because I spent so much time writing each and every one of these invitations. USPS, why you gotta fail me for? 

I think the biggest thing that came out of this solo show preview was the pressure I received from my family. When my bro found out I'm putting a lot of my savings into production, he flipped the shit. He didn't understand why I'm spending so much money when I couldn't even guarantee if people are gonna come or not. He also doubted the fact that I can get 80 people to show up. Then my mom found out and said I should seriously look for a full-time job and stop dreaming about this shit cuz it won't get me anywhere. I felt hurt. These two people mean so much to me, and I felt like they were putting me down. I cried so much. I was so stressed out. I felt so unsupported. I didn't even know what to do and didn't not hang out with people for an entire month.

I eventually did, and I had one or two friends who were doubtful and said maybe I should set a deadline for myself for this whole acting thing. I felt crushed again. However, I have few friends (mainly Jenny) who was super supportive throughout the whole process. Always encouraged me, even when I doubted myself. I was going through so much, and what I really needed was just someone to hear me out, and that's what she did. (Thanks Jenny <3).

With all that said, the first two previews sold out by mid-March and I had people asking me whether tickets were still available. I decided to add another preview to my tech rehearsal on May 1 and 25 people came out for that.  

Now onto the preview itself: the first preview went well, and I measured it based on the amount of laughs. Second preview, I didn't get as many laughs and I was real nervous even as I was performing--like was I doing something wrong? A new friend, whom I met briefly back in the fall, came to watch the show. He's a seasoned comedian and wrote all over his hand and on napkins. I saw that during the show and thought I was in deep shit. He emailed me right after the show and said he got notes for me. I met with him the next day before the third preview for three hours and he told me all the high and low points of the show. I quickly did a rewrite and dropped all that "performing" shit, and presented a semi-more cohesive story to the third preview. People have been good with providing feedback (funnily enough, all the points hit the same mark), so I know for a fact which part I still gotta work on. Time to buckle down again.

I went through so much throughout this writing, producing, and performing process. Honestly, you have to perform it to know where the weak points of the storytelling falls, so I'm so so so glad I did these previews. 

And seriously, half of the battle is just doing it. The second half of the battle is getting wounded and learning how to get back up again. I'm getting back up and I'm for sure gonna keep kicking ass until I get this solo show in shape for the fall. I hope people will come to see it again to see its transformation.

It ain't over 'til it's over. It ain't over yet. Gonna keep trucking along.
THE HUSTLE NEVER SLEEPS, fo'real.

ALLEGIANCE

The skinny: ALLEGIANCE is amazing. Go watch it! The longer version: Preface: this is my first time watching a musical on Broadway. This is my first time watching an ASIAN AMERICAN musical on Broadway. I must be dreaming. That's what I was thinking throughout the whole time I was watching the show this past Sunday.

To be honest, I've heard bad things about the show from theatre critics. I won't go into it here. So naturally, I had a doubt--should I go and watch this? Or should I stay home and snuggle with HBO and Netflix? I'm so glad I went to watch it.

I was completely blown away at the production value of this musical. From the lighting, to the sound, to the acting, singing, dancing, and movement on stage--every bit of the show captured my attention. Is now a good time to confess that I fall asleep in major Broadway plays? Even though it was a musical, the music did not distract me from listening to the story. If anything, it enhanced the story. In terms of performance... I don't even know where to begin. Lea Salonga's voice carried the show. George Takei's humor added color to the darkness of the theme. Telly Leung's swag... you'll have to see it for yourself.

As an Asian American Studies major who learned about the Japanese Internment through literature and history books, I was nerding out the whole entire time. I was crying half the time because they depict the internment in an entertaining, yet very real/raw way. Yes, there was discrimination. Yes, there was injustice. And no, the writers did not water it down. It was told, as is.

As an actor, it's unbelievable to see a stage full of Asian American actors telling an Asian American story. Insane. It gives me so much hope for the future of having Asian American stories told on stage.

It's closing in 11 days, so get your tickets today before it gets sold out. Don't get left out; don't catch FOMO, just GOGOGO!

This is the first, but definitely not the last show.

Gotta keep on trucking. #hustle

Homecoming King

Dude, i just got the bill to renew the domain + privacy protection for this website and spent almost a G. I need to start blogging more, or I'll hate myself. Lately, I've been watching a lot of standup shows, mainly on the internet, and occasionally, in real life (sorta like how ppl live now, eh?). Today, i had dim sum with the #aaiff2015 crew at my mom's bakery, and since i didn't plan anything for lazy Sunday, i decided to go to Cherry Lane Theatre to buy a ticket to watch Colin Quinn on stage. On my way to the box office, boom, i saw Hasan Minhaj's solo show poster. I heard about the show a few days ago on Instagram and saw an NPR tweet on it, so i was like, i should watch it! As i got to the box office, boom, a stack of tickets at the price of a movie ticket, caught my eyes. And guess what? It was Hasan Minhaj's show!! It was fate. Of course I asked for the tickets in front of my eyes, but low and behold, the box office ticketer said it was a promo that expired. I did snag $20 tickets though. Score!

I decided to Instagram the show poster and tweet about it. I didn't know what to expect from the show, given that I didn't know much about this dude, except that he works with Trevor Noah on The Daily Show, and that he is a standup comedian. I was jammin' to the hip hop walk-in music, sat where my ticket allowed me to sit, and the usher asked if i wanted to sit in the front. I was like hell to the fuckin yes!

The show blew my mind. From beginning 'til the end. He did it stand-up style and i followed him throughout the show. That swag was real!! If you've ever been an outsider, you will feel his story. He talked a lot about love, family, expectations, and that sense of belonging every kid of color wanted/thought about (maybe I shouldn't speak for everyone--cuz maybe some people fit in just fine). His stories about assimilation in suburbia made me ball like crazy. Even though I didn't grow up in the suburbs, i was always the fat kid trying to fit in, so i get it. All that family talk was so real, I couldn't stop laughing. I laughed until I cried, and then cried a little for real towards the end of the show. I only had one piece of tissue in my pocket, and i didn't have enough to wipe my tears. Oh man. 

This coming of age tale was touching. He threw in a lot of cultural references from his Muslim background. I mean, I'm Chinese, but i found myself saying yes, or mmhmm so many times. I can relate to it on so many levels.

If you're in NYC, love going out to watch films, standup, theatre, or just good storytelling in general, this show is for you. Walk, no, run there now!! Or as i tweeted earlier, AHORA!!

I guess since I'm an actor and writer, i felt every ounce of his show. This truly motivated me to keep on writing that second draft. I'm this 👌🏻 (if it ain't showing, it is an okay emoji with a gap) close to finishing the second draft. Time to get to it!! 

Gotta keep that hustle flow alive.

Explorations

Wow, I haven't updated this blog for far too long.  I've been hiding under the rock with the 38th Asian American International Film Festival (AAIFF)--can't believe another year of the festival is over! It's been four weeks since the festival ended, and I finally feel recovered (working 20 hour days really takes a toll on your body!) and am able to write and reflect a bit. This year, it came and passed so quickly. In a way, I miss all the craziness--the chaos, the shock, the adrenaline. So many people were here for the festival, so many filmmakers, friends, and audience members from out of town was here. Afterall, the festival is about creating conversations with creatives behind the scenes, and I can't express the amount of gratitude and respect for everyone brave enough to make art and show it to the world. Props! (Insert clapping hands emoji here)

What's next?

As for the creative things in life:

Acting-wise, I'll be working on a project. What project!?! Well, secret secret until it all comes together. Will write more about it soon. Stay tuned.

Modeling-wise (first time!), I was in Philly last weekend for a shoot with Nom Wah Tea Parlor. Nom Wah is a dim sum restaurant based in NYC, and have recently expanded to Philly. My childhood friend and talented photographer, AnRong Xu, told me about the project, and I, loving dim sum + Nom Wah + wanting to collaborate with AnRong for a while now, jumped at the opportunity. It's my second time visiting the state of brotherly love. First time, it was for work with AALDEF (speaking with Limited English Proficient elderly voters), and this time, it's sorta for work but not really because it was so much fun taking pictures in front of Philly's landmarks--the Philadelphia Museum of Art, Liberty Bell (we didn't make it in.. the line was long), Independence Hall, Board Game Art Park, Italian Market, Schuylkill Rivers, and last but not least, Chinatown. I also had the pleasure to meet my partner-in-crime in the shoot, Ms. Betty Jiang, and also fabulous producer, Barbara Leung. We ended the shoot in South Philly, and went to THE BEST pho place ever called Pho75. We ate in silence.. that's how good it was. Pictures will be forthcoming (before the food belly). I had an amazing time in Philly and I cannot wait to find an excuse to go back. I want to do all the touristy stuff and really experience the city. ^-^

Writing-wise, believe it or not, I'm going to keep rewriting the solo show. Ain't gonna give up on that baby because I believe in the story so much. I know what is missing. The things leading up to a great ending.  Also heartfelt things. Things I was too scared to write into because I wasn't sure if it'll please the audience. But after reading a lot of writing tips from writers, they say, never try to please the audience and just write from the gut. So you will get guts, GUTS--watch out world!

As for life in general:

I've been reading a lot lately. Reading is one of my favorite pastimes. I picked up Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari and read it within two days. Very hilarious and insightful if you're a modern dater. I admit it, I suck at dating and I give up. I foresee myself ending up with a book and Pikachu for the rest of my life--and scary enough, I'm okay with that.  After finishing that, I'm now starting Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson. I'm only on page 37 at the moment, but will continue and reflect more soon.

I'm currently planning a month-long Hong Kong and Japan trip with my mom and brother (only with my bro for Japan). I visited HK for several times, but I've never been to Japan. I'm absolutely thrilled and have been mapping out all the different places to hit up. I'm still looking for suggestions though for both HK and Japan, so please feel free to share. Food, nature, any adventurous things, etc. :)

For this upcoming fall, I want to get out more and explore new places within NYC. I've never wandered through Central Park or Prospect Park before, so I will do that. Gotta also check out Dumbo at night (all the public art pieces) before it gets any chillier. Woohoo to exploring! :)

I'll post more often from now on. Pinky promise. #keepsmiling :-)

Let it go

Yesterday was the last night I got to play Veronica in The Motherfucker with the Hat in class. It was really bittersweet. In many ways, I think Veronica and I have a lot in common (personality wise). Yes, she curses up a storm; yes, she tries to get the last word in; but one thing I admire most about her, is her willingness to wait for her love (Jackie) to come out of jail--even though she cheated while he was in jail. She still loves him and very much wanna be with him. Am I not supposed to reveal that here? Opps. I've never been through anything like that, but I can empathize with both Veronica and Jackie. Their love and relationship, is what I like most about this play. If I were to dream on, I would love to play Veronica on stage someday. I don't know if this play will be put on again, since it already premiered on Broadway in 2011; but it'd be dope. Real dope.

Since I stopped making YouTube videos, I have been focusing on acting (rehearsing a lot more, going over lines on the subway, in the streets, at work talking to myself, literally everywhere) and writing more for the solo show. I felt like I improved a lot just by going up last night. We went first, and I didn't even think about anything, not even the lines. I thought, this is no big deal; I prepared for this. Because I was more prepared,  I was definitely more confident. I was ready to let everything go and just go for it. And it's not like I never prepared before, it's just that, now, because I admitted to myself I wanna fuckin' act and just be, my whole mind and body is just like, you go girl, you got this! I have never felt that way .. well, since 2012 when I started anyway. I keep wondering what took me so long to admit this. How I lost sight of everything else and now i just jump right in. I got lost or distracted along the way, but I'm glad I found a sense of ownership.

Although I found myself last night, I still think about mommalei and what she thinks. She found out through Facebook that I am not gonna do YouTube anymore and was really shocked and sad. She also found out from the same status that I will keep pursuing acting and she immediately flipped out. She went on with the usual (not stable, terrible decision), and the conversation ended as it usually does--we both don't know what to say to each other.

Back then, I care deeply about what she thinks. But last night, last night while I was showering, I was like, whatever. This IS me now. And there's nothing she or anybody can do or say that can stop me from working on this journey. Yes, I'm no longer "hoping" to be in this industry. I will work to make shit happen.

Can't believe it took 28 months, or 2.33 years for me to take charge of this feeling (is my math on point or what?), but I'm glad I fucked around along the way to get to this point. I guess this is life?

I'll keep doing, working, and dreaming. Keep going and don't think! Don't think! ;)

Hanging up the hat

Tonight I had an epiphany. Tonight is the premiere of FRESH OFF THE BOAT on ABC. AB fuckin' C. The network television station with millions of eyeballs--that ABC. It's crazy! There was a huge viewing party at the Circle NYC (typically an exclusive nightclub turned into a viewing room with over 1000 people in the house). It was crazy! There were many moments tonight where the idea of "this is just the beginning" was reiterated. And when Eddie Huang said he hopes this show will inspire others to tell their stories, I lost my shit. I teared up a bit. And when Jeff Yang in the end said that this is not about Eddie's life and about the community, I was like hell to the fuckin yeah!

To put everything into perspective, this is the 2nd time in American history where an Asian American family is featured. The first time was 20 years ago with Margaret Cho's ALL AMERICAN GIRL. 20 fuckin' years ago. That's a really long time. And for this show to come on, the term historic is an underestimated statement.

In a day and age when multi-culti or colorblindness is constantly preached, people need to realize this is a HUGE deal for the Asian American community. And hopefully this is only the beginning.

A lot of thoughts passed through my mind tonight. Most of it was damn; but a lot of other times was: how can I get there? This is and has always been in the back of my mind. I need to re-evaluate what I do, and I've been thinking about this for quite some time, but I'm seriously thinking about discontinuing the  Cantonese Lessons part of the YouTube channel. Maybe it'd be a space where I reflect about my acting career (yes, career!).

I need to focus and not let the outside noise drown out what I really want. I really want to fuckin tell stories through acting and write more stories about the Asian American experience. I really want to tell stories I can be proud of. So this means, I do less of other stuff. And I am cool with that.

I guess my whole intention with starting the channel is to be able to express myself and do something that can benefit others. But the hardest part is to find people who are interested in Cantonese Lessons. Has it been done before? Maybe. With a fuckin gong sound that gets my blood boiling out of the left field. I was trying hard to make it cool and to find people who will care.

Maybe it was the wrong platform. I tried many times, and this time, I'm finally hanging up the hat. I can't say that I never tried. I'll take a moment to take in all this and realize it's okay to try and fall. The only thing is, now when I stand up, I know what I want more than I did before. And that makes it all worth it. I learned a lot about myself through doing this YouTube thing. And I can say that I'm fuckin proud of myself. That's always been the hardest for me, to be at peace with myself. Heck, I still didn't show #mommalei the video, so shit. I'll show her tomorrow morning when she is at work. When she doesn't have to confront me and my decisions of what I want to do with my life. Someday she will come around.

So I'll be blogging once a week instead about acting. I hope you'll still continue to support this journey.

The takeaway: never stop the hustle or never stop dreaming.