Starting over

I turned 28 approximately five months ago. A lot of people say 28 is the year one starts to make moves in their careers: either move on up or move on forward to something else, something completely different. For me, I am still pursuing acting, the only difference now is, I’m solely focusing on comedy: improv, sketch, and stand up. Does it mean all the work I’ve done in the past five years disappear? No. It just feels very much like starting over because it’s a whole new world. I see it as another chance to keep making mistakes, connecting with new people, and keep trying.

This is not the first time I’m at the rodeo. I took improv classes at UCB in 2013, and I don’t know, for whatever reason, I stopped at 201. This was the level that introduced the concept of game, which is the core of a Harold structure. It was very, very different from 101, where we can do whatever we want and have fun. Here, we really have to think of analogous (same situation in different setting or circumstances) / time dash (much time has passed since first beat) scenes and I got in my head waaaaay too much. I also was really nervous because I had a semi-strict teacher, and all I thought about in the backline was how much I’m gonna fuck up if I walk out there. I don’t wanna fuck up. That was me in 2013, telling myself fucking up is bad. Fucking up is fuckin embarrassing. No one wants to fuck up because you look stupid. I didn’t want to look stupid, but yet I felt nervous and stupid the entire time. In sum, there was a lot of anxiety and not knowing where improv would lead me, and so, I stopped after 201 and decided to take acting head on instead.

I continued on acting classes at the Barrow Group Theatre and developed my solo show there. It was 2013 leading into 2014 and I was sooooo hungry to get better in acting. I knew how much I needed to learn and grow as an actor because I want to be as good as others in my acting conservatory (most of them have started at a young age, and I played catch up for a year and a half). I beat myself up every time I did a bad scene or missed my lines. I worked really hard, and after multiple scene study classes, I stopped to focus on the solo show. Much of late 2015 leading into all of 2016 was focused on the solo show. I always get antsy when I question myself: how come I’m not doing better or why haven’t I gotten “there” yet, wherever there might be. But now, as I’m writing this, I realized I did a lot in the past five years and I should stop questioning myself.

So why comedy? I discovered after presenting the solo show, that I am hooked into people’s laughter. I thought I was writing a drama (life is a drama), and people thought I was funny. The thing is: I wasn’t trying to be funny. I was just trying to be me—as Seth Barrish would put this: comedy derives from truth and pain; as long as you’re speaking your real truth, and it relates to the audience, a laugh will come. Never force shit. The times where I did force shit, people didn’t laugh. The times where I’m the most relaxed, people did. That feeling resonated with me so much, and I am taking this in for future shows. Comedy is a drug and I’m hooked.

I returned to UCB because I knew deep down, comedy is the thing that keeps me up. I returned this March, took 201 again because it’s been four years. I had a sinking feeling in 201 again, but I told myself this time around not to psych myself out. It didn’t get easier, but I got through it. I went onto 301 and that’s when I fell deep into it. I had an amazing teacher, and this was the first time I became an improv nerd, going to a lot of shows--especially Lloyd Night, and listening to the UCB podcast nonstop (especially during work at the government job). I started to imagine myself joining a house team (crazy, I know). Now I'm in 401, and even the thought of joining a house team is so close, yet so far away. Gotta keep practicing to become a great improviser -- then have a chance to get accepted into Advanced Study, then see if there's an audition, then audition, then see if you're accepted or not. If you don't, you gotta wait a whole year to audition again. It's a whole lot of practicing the skill, trying your best, and waiting around. It’s all about process. It's a process and it's all about perseverance, man!

Another life update: I know I posted this on Instagram / Facebook during the summer--I officially left Asian CineVIsion/AAIFF after being with the organization for many, many years. I realized how old I was getting, and if I keep hanging on to AAIFF, I’ll always give myself an excuse to support the community and not pursue my own dreams. I also felt like it was time for someone younger to take over, and for me to really step back and tackle acting/comedy head on. I'm not getting any younger. It was painful thinking of leaving/actually leaving. I cried a lot. I guess that's what growing up is all about? Painful growing up, I tell ya!

Another another life update: I did two final shows in nyc, and even seconds before walking out into the show the first night, I had a sinking feeling. Why am I doing this again? Then my internal voice was like shut up and do this! The first night was great, but felt weird. No one laughed. Then the second night, a lightbulb turned on and the energy and love from the crowd was insane! Everybody was listening intently and I fed off their positivity and warmth. It was so bittersweet to do the show and that last night filled my heart with so much love and hope. At first, I planned to make this into a movie, but a few folks (including my Smithie sisters) convinced me to do a webseries instead. I’m writing it now so watch out world!

Another another another life update: I joined the Union Square Hospitality Group's new concept restaurant: Intersect by Lexus. It's a three story cafe-restaurant/bar-events space in the Meatpacking District, set to open in January 2018. Meanwhile, they placed me at North End Grill for the time being and I'm learning so much about service and different positions within the restaurant. I learn something new everyday when I go in, and I feel hungry learning more, so cheers to this new, fresh start.

I feel like every time I write here, something new has happened or is gonna happen. I guess this is what 28 is about: a lot of what if’s and still figuring it out.

It’s the the artist struggle, hustle. Never stop hustling.

LA and Beyond

This is crazy and belated, but I did it. I done did it. 

The LA show went down almost two months ago. It feels so surreal that it's over now. Months, weeks, or even days before the show, I was freaking out. How many people will come? What if people don't come? What if I forget the story? The day before the show, I wrote out thank you notes to folks.. up to the point my fingers started cramping. I was so anxious. I pooped so much before the show (ok, tmi).. I also reminded myself to relax the moment I stepped out on stage and that everything will be okay.

Everything was okay. There was a sizable crowd, and everyone was so supportive. I worried that jokes wouldn't land on the LA crowd, but it did (told myself not to worry about if things are "supposed to be" funny--just tell the damn story). In short, I am so relieved.

In October 2016, that little thought of bringing the show to Los Angeles was just a thought--a dream if you may. Then I decided to pursue that thought and see if it can become a reality. It costs a lot to get the theatre, but I was like fuck it! Life is too short to not do the things we wanna do, and so, I booked the space. The most difficult part is really spreading the word, and I'm so grateful CAPE (Coalition of Asian Pacifics for Entertainment), Kollaboration LA, and Project by Project LA supported the show by telling their networks about it. Everyone was so so supportive, and it made the whole LA show what it was--it felt like the whole entire community had my back.

Special thanks to Grace for letting me crash and helping me to get set pieces and loading, Karin for taking beautiful black and white photos, and Cindy, Amy, and Malina for capturing color photos. Sabrina for coming all the way from Oakland, and all the people who came out to the show. It meant the world to share the story with you. 

And now, I'm back to NYC. Back to reality. And everything is back to normal: classes (Improv 301! And Film & TV at The Barrow Group), hustle for AAIFF, work at Nom Wah, and writing--been outlining two feature films--and experiencing writer's block, ha! I'm getting over this hump where I have to sit down and write everything that's been on my mind with these two stories. I know the ending to both, it's just the journey (emotional) in between that is hard to write. I'll figure it out soon enough. Setting a deadline for the end of this month. Yes, always have deadlines. Otherwise, a dream is just a dream. Do.

I've also been reading Taraji P. Henson's memoir. I saw a video of her circulating on Facebook talking, where she gave a speech on what it means to ignore naysayers and keep on with keeping on. It inspired me so much that I picked up her book. This morning, I balled my eyes out when she talked about where she's from, her family, and her love life. I related so much to everything and got so emotional. She has this fire and sass, and unapologetic energy about her that no one can take away. She's a strong ass woman, and I'm working now to get as tough as her.

On my way home, I read the part where she talked about moving to Hollywood with no money and had to beg just to find a place to live. That shit is too real and inspiring. I have dreams of moving to Los Angeles (I told the head chef at Nom Wah last week and shit came out of my mouth), but I need some seed money and some brush-up on driving lessons. It'd probably take me two years to save up enough just to get a used car and rent for a few months. I never thought I would've said this, because let's be real, I don't even like LA that much. But like Taraji's father said, "why are you just living? Why aren't you going to LA where all the jobs are?" Her father's words is exactly what I don't wanna hear but need to hear.

Part of me wanna take it slow--one step at a time. But Taraji did it with no real acting credits, no agent in LA, no car, and no place to live, AND with a baby on her hip. If she can do it, I believe I can. I gotta stop making excuses. I have to be more daring.

I'm going through the mo right now, a rough patch if you will, but I promise I will look back one day and say I gave it my all. You have to, because otherwise, why start? 

Crazy spilling this out man. Time for beeeeed. Good night world.

Tomorrow is a new day. And.. the hustle continues! 

26 Things I Learned from Being 26

I turn 27 today. First year into my late-twenties. Dang. I met up with a few friends today and asked them what advice they would give to a 27 year old. One said 27 is the year of many adult changes. Another said 27 might be the year of heartbreak. Another said when she was 27, she moved to Asia a bit to do a bit of soul searching. Is 27 the golden year of transition? The tipping point where all the things we've learned in our early-to-mid twenties come to a full swing? These are the questions left to be answered. I'll blog more "growing up while 27" throughout the year to keep progress in check.

For now, I want to reflect on all things I learned from being 26. It might be a repeat of things I've written last year. Apologies in advance -- I have a short-term memory. :P

Here we go:

26 things I learned from being 26

1) You never get what you don't ask for. Ask for it.

2) Be bold. Take chances. Fall flat on your face. At least you know you tried.

3) Figure out what it is that you want, and never stop until you get it.

4) Work hard. Put in work everyday. Never make excuses.

5) Treat the janitor / housekeeper the same way you treat the CEO.

6) Know your worth. Sit down and access your strengths and weaknesses, and see what you're worth and what you can work on. Then work on what you need to work on, so that becomes one of your strengths.

7) Speak/Stand up for yourself. If someone is treating you unfairly, speak up. Sometimes they might not intentionally be treating you that way, so be ready to speak up. It's not confrontational until you put that attitude in. You can lose your shit at the moment, but be adult and talk it out.

8) Other people can talk shit. How you react reveals much more about your character.

9) Addictions, no matter good or bad, can only last so long until you realize what it is you are trying to run away from is coming to bite your ass.

10) Always take care of shit. Stop procrastinating.

11) Stop doing things out of obligation. It's okay to say no. (Read: The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a FUCK).

12) Family always comes first.

13) You do not have to see/talk to someone everyday to be friends with that person.

14) Friendship is a two way street. Be willing to meet someone halfway. If they can't meet you there, then it's not worth it.

15) Relationships come and go (this includes friendship). Those who are meant to stay, will.

16) Never bend your back for someone who will not give you a bit of their time.

17) Never let someone stay in your life longer than they should. Know when to end things.

18) After you end things, don't go snooping around their social media. Let go.

19) Love doesn't exist. Friendship and kindness does.

20) There is a difference between lust and love. That's the first thing taught at my high school before we delved into Romeo and Juliet. Lust is who you think about when you're feeling itchy down there. Love is who you think about when you're experiencing something amazing and you wish that other person is there to share that moment with you.

21) Having stuff (material goods) won't make you a happier person. Having knowledge or experiences are far more valuable.

22) Start figuring out your political compass. Do not vote for Trump.

23) Sometimes personal stories are far more powerful than numbers. Don't only believe in numbers. Qualitative over quantitative, especially when it comes to politics.

24) Read. Everyday. Shower / brush AND floss your teeth everyday.

25) Do something that scares you everyday.

26) Figure out what makes you itch, and scratch it everyday.

Solo Show Preview

It's always impossible until it's done, and I did it!

On May 1, 6, and 7, I did a preview of my solo show called THE WORLD'S GREATEST. Words can't really describe what it took for me to write the show or describe what I felt throughout the whole writing / production / actually inviting people process; but I will try to articulate it as much as possible. 

Let me begin by sharing the reason why I wrote the show: I visited my high school in 2009 as an Urban Ed Fellow for a month during January break. I was a sophomore at Smith College at the time, and I was taking a class called "Education in the City." There was a list of high schools for us to choose from for the fellowship program, but because I went to a high school in the city, I thought, why not do the fellowship at my high school? At that point, it was two years after I graduated from Bergtraum. I really didn't think it was a bad school when I was a student there--even though it was constantly being threatened to shut down by the Board of Education because of poor attendance and bad test scores. However, after the first week of the fellowship, I realized Bergtraum might've gotten worse. It might not be the same school that I went to because after Martin Luther King HS got shut down, a lot of kids transferred over to Bergtraum. Fights became more frequent and security was increased as a result of on-going violence. The school might just shut down for good this time.

During that fellowship, I was critically thinking about all the problems at Bergtraum and how it related to education policies aimed at inner city public high schools (The No Child Left Behind Act: standardized testing, demoralizing teaching by teaching for a test, no sense of place at the school for students/faculty/admins, etc.). I thought it was funny how "No Child Left Behind" caused a lot of Bergtraum kids to drop out and legit get left behind--even when I was there. I was pretty much observing just one class for the entire month, and things were going okay for a short while. Then, a week or two before the fellowship ended, shit broke out (a stampede occurred, and because Bergtraum is a triangular school with no dead end on the 1st, 3rd, and 4th floor, kids were stomping around and around. My teacher, at that point, called the school a zoo). I honestly don't know what caused the stampede, but I think it might be the students' way to resist all the added security. The whole situation made the school environment super hostile. Close the last day of the fellowship, a kid cursed my high school history teacher out. I think that was the last draw for me. I felt angry, confused, and frustrated. Since I was a spoken word fiend at the time, I wrote a poem about the whole situation. This poem is the seed / in a way, the heart of the solo show.

As I was writing the solo show, I thought the seed for the show was "too much" or for a lack of a better word preachy, and decided to water down the whole situation by making some stuff up to smooth over the story. And that's the version that was presented for the previews.

Now looking back, I should've written the truth man. What the fuck was I thinking? The truth hurts; but at the same time, there's so much pain/humor that comes from the truth. And that's where I am with the piece right now. Trying to write the truth, and from the heart. I've been getting a lot of feedback from people who came to watch the show. I'm now at a point where I'm reworking and rewriting the whole show. Hoping to write more shit that went down without feeling pressured or wondering if people will like/find these stories funny. Seriously, fuck what people think. Write the damn truth. That's why you started writing this in the first place. Don't think. Just do it.

In terms of production, finding the venue was the easiest because I rented out my acting school's studio theatre (The Barrow Group, wsup?) for two previews on May 6 and 7. Then came time to inviting people. Man, I wanted to make it special and not just a Facebook or email invite. So I brainstormed a list of people who I wanted to come see the show -- it's a list where, if I was to die the day after the previews, and these people saw the show, I would be happy type of situation. I texted/FB/emailed all the people on that list for their mailing addresses. Then I bought some red envelopes from Paper Source and even a golden sharpie to punk them into thinking I'm sending them a wedding invitation. (Wedding? No boo yet. Seriously, not now, not now. Still gotta hustle.) Then in late February/early March, I proceeded to follow-up and ask if people wanna come. Most said yes, some were busy for Mother's Day, and then some I asked over and over again / they still cannot make it. You're not my friend if you didn't come! (just kidding) I then found out that some invites never arrived at their doorsteps / got bounced back to my home -- two months after I sent it out. It broke my heart because I spent so much time writing each and every one of these invitations. USPS, why you gotta fail me for? 

I think the biggest thing that came out of this solo show preview was the pressure I received from my family. When my bro found out I'm putting a lot of my savings into production, he flipped the shit. He didn't understand why I'm spending so much money when I couldn't even guarantee if people are gonna come or not. He also doubted the fact that I can get 80 people to show up. Then my mom found out and said I should seriously look for a full-time job and stop dreaming about this shit cuz it won't get me anywhere. I felt hurt. These two people mean so much to me, and I felt like they were putting me down. I cried so much. I was so stressed out. I felt so unsupported. I didn't even know what to do and didn't not hang out with people for an entire month.

I eventually did, and I had one or two friends who were doubtful and said maybe I should set a deadline for myself for this whole acting thing. I felt crushed again. However, I have few friends (mainly Jenny) who was super supportive throughout the whole process. Always encouraged me, even when I doubted myself. I was going through so much, and what I really needed was just someone to hear me out, and that's what she did. (Thanks Jenny <3).

With all that said, the first two previews sold out by mid-March and I had people asking me whether tickets were still available. I decided to add another preview to my tech rehearsal on May 1 and 25 people came out for that.  

Now onto the preview itself: the first preview went well, and I measured it based on the amount of laughs. Second preview, I didn't get as many laughs and I was real nervous even as I was performing--like was I doing something wrong? A new friend, whom I met briefly back in the fall, came to watch the show. He's a seasoned comedian and wrote all over his hand and on napkins. I saw that during the show and thought I was in deep shit. He emailed me right after the show and said he got notes for me. I met with him the next day before the third preview for three hours and he told me all the high and low points of the show. I quickly did a rewrite and dropped all that "performing" shit, and presented a semi-more cohesive story to the third preview. People have been good with providing feedback (funnily enough, all the points hit the same mark), so I know for a fact which part I still gotta work on. Time to buckle down again.

I went through so much throughout this writing, producing, and performing process. Honestly, you have to perform it to know where the weak points of the storytelling falls, so I'm so so so glad I did these previews. 

And seriously, half of the battle is just doing it. The second half of the battle is getting wounded and learning how to get back up again. I'm getting back up and I'm for sure gonna keep kicking ass until I get this solo show in shape for the fall. I hope people will come to see it again to see its transformation.

It ain't over 'til it's over. It ain't over yet. Gonna keep trucking along.
THE HUSTLE NEVER SLEEPS, fo'real.

LAAPFF 2016

Got back from LA about a week ago, and boy oh boy did I miss home. There's something about NYC: the smell, the people, that cannot be found anywhere in LA. And no, not the urine smell. 

This trip to LA was ca-razy. Ok, so I booked the trip right before Christmas because I haven't been there since May 2014 and I was low-key missing that place. Every time I go, it's for work -- Kollaboration the first time, then LAAPFF for all the other times. Every time I go, I only stay for a few days; and this time, I stayed for 9 days. It's the longest I've been in El-to-the-Eyyy. I stayed with Ms. Grace Su, whom I met at the fest in 2013. Her crib is in Studio City, and she got a cute dog named Moki. I also met her ex-roomie's cute dog Chewie. Their love for dogs makes me wanna get one. Maybe I'll get a dog--most likely a cat though cuz they're more independent. Someday.

LAAPFF was amazing, as always. I had the pleasure of connecting with Abe again after always calling him frantically for advice on what films to look out for. He's always so real about what's in the pipeline. This year's selection is a bit real hard to choose from. All the good films I've been eyeing on got in more mainstream film festivals in NYC. It makes me so happy to see Asian American filmmakers make it beyond the APA film festivals, but a part of me is selfish. With that, I always secretly hope an APA film will go with AAIFF/LAAPFF/CAAMFest instead. Alas, filmmakers gotta do what they gotta do to keep moving up that ladder. Gotta meet different people and hopefully strike a bigger deal. That's the name of the game. That's real. That's reality, and I'm slowly beginning to accept it.

I had a sobering moment. Wait. I actually had many sobering moments throughout the trip.

Sobering moment # 1: I had the chance to go with Grace to her commercial callback, and when I was in that audition room, I felt something I've never really felt before. I don't know how to describe it. It was this type of hunger everyone has in the room. Everyone in the room is fighting for a few positions, and everybody in town is going for it. It made me realize it's a dog eat dog world out there.

Sobering moment #2: Acting is not acting alone, you must "know" people. I've always had that icky feeling about this fact. Mostly because I think if you're good, you'll eventually make it and compete for the coveted roles everybody else is fighting for. Sometimes your talent takes you in the door, but some/most of the time, it's who you know who can get you into that door. I'm still processing what this means. I guess I'll leave this thought here and revisit this some other time.

Sobering moment #3: Asian Pacific America is a universe still left to be defined and explored. There's so many different ethnicities and nationalities that make up the APA community. It's hard to define what really unites us. Maybe it's the shared sentiment that we're all here now, and we're all cobbling our lives together in this country. Our struggles may be different, but the experiences we go through might have some similarities. We're still all different though cuz we're all humans with different emotions and experience. What we need to do is: we gotta tell our own stories. We gotta support our filmmakers and storytellers (aka financial support), so that a good product can be made. We gotta start the pipeline now to show that it is possible to work in this industry.  

Sobering moment #4: You have to keep going. No one will be there to cheer you on. You are your own motivator. Create your own thing. You may fall, but you learn from your project. You must know how to stand up and keep going. 

Sobering moment # 5: You might make or be in a shitty film--how you deal with the feedback or the jobs you take after matters more. The key is to keep your craft sharp, so that when better opportunities arise, you step up to the plate.

Sobering moment #6: Miscommunication sucks and will leave you eating alone at the dinner table. Always confirm. 

Sobering moment #7: You don't have to drink to have fun. I stayed sober for most of the trip and I was surviving off adrenaline. I was completely jetlagged, so I still had to have my coffee. Now if only I can kick that addiction...

Sobering moment #8: LA's California produce and their restaurant's dedication to serving salads with every meal is key. Also the Korean food is so good. Also the beach is beautiful. The sun warms your soul. When the night falls, you better have a jacket with you.

All in all, this LA trip taught me so much about the industry--and life! If you don't see what you deserve, you better start making moves cuz nobody in the world is gonna hand you nothing. You gotta work for it. Earn it. Work so hard you cry at night, and the next morning when you wake up, you do it all over again. No shortcuts. 

I had crazy thoughts of giving up after going on this trip. But that thought only lasted for a split second. I guess I realized how hard it really is and was gonna throw in the towel, but I thought about why I stayed for so long. Gotta keep telling stories, cuz boy we got stories. 

DON'T GIVE UP! Gotta move through it. Gotta keep werkin'. Seriously, no shortcuts.

CAAMFest 2016

Abe Ferrer from LAAPFF, Haisong and I from AAIFF, and Masashi Niwano from CAAMFest. I love these people. <3

First off, welcome to my new website. It took a lot of time to consider switching from Wordpress to SquareSpace. Alas, I did. It is awesome.

I just got back to NYC from CAAMFest around Monday, March 14~ midnight. Ok, now's the real deal: it's hard for me to admit, but CAAMFest saved me in a lot of ways. Before the trip, I kept thinking back on 2014--the first time I was at CAAMFest--about how in awe I was at their production, at their community, and at their mass of folks who came out to attend the festival. In 2014, I attended the festival with Rémy Martin to work with them to follow through on a sponsorship deal. In 2016, I'm thrilled to say that I'm with the Asian American International Film Festival in NYC. I felt like a little girl squealing on the inside being there because there were so many people who are an important part of the Asian Pacific American community, whether in the arts, politics, or plain ol' community organizing.

Haisong and I in front of the Castro Theatre -- CAAMFest's Opening Night venue.

Haisong, the Program Manager for AAIFF, and I saw TYRUS, CAAMFest 2016's Opening Night Presentation. It was such a beautiful and touching film about Tyrus Wong, a painter and all around artist (he worked on Bambi but never got credited). He grew up at a time where not a lot of Asian Americans pursued the arts. He did it anyway because painting was something he loves to do. The crazy thing is: he's more than a hundred years old, and he was alive and there at the theatre! He's definitely an inspiration to all the artists out there because he said "I'm not that talented, but I work hard." Props to that!

Alright, I think now is a good time for me to make a confession. Aside from attending Opening Night, MASTER OF NONE Panel, Festival Social Club, Filmmakers' Brunch, Digital Media Panel, and FAST&FURIOUS TOKYO DRIFT, I completely wrote down the wrong date for the Programmers Meetup. That meeting was key, in that festival folks from SF, LA, Philly, Boston, and San Diego talked about programming and how we can all work together in whatever capacity. I was such a dweeb in that I wrote down the date as Sunday, March 13 at 2:30-3:30pm, but in actuality, it was on Saturday, March 12. That move was a total fail move. Til this day I feel guilty. Because I had so much to ask and so much to soak in. I guess I'll get notes from one of those guys. 

One of the highlights of CAAMFest was attending the MASTER OF NONE panel with Kelvin Yu and Alan Yang. I'm a huge fan of the show, so when news got out that the panel went to rush, and that there's no more industry tickets, I was like nooooo. I died a little on the inside. But luckily, I got in. (Thanks, Kelvin!) Just watching the PARENTS episode again and hearing them talk about their journey into acting/writing was pretty inspiring. Kelvin talked about how he held stereotypical roles and then one day realized the leading man can never be him, so he went into writing. Damn, that was real. Alan talked about his childhood, friendship with Aziz Ansari, shows he worked on over the years, and finally taking two years to craft and execute MASTER OF NONE. All their anecdotes remind me: making art and putting it out is a long and hard process / telling great stories = key.
One little crazy thing on this day: I bumped into Dari from Smith! OMG. Small freakin' world. She lives in SF now. She saw a film at CAAMFest and they announced the party at Slate. She came. We screamed cuz we haven't seen each other in such a long time. (Great seeing you Dari <3 :D)

Aside from CAAMFest, I took time to explore the Mission, the Castro, and revisit Chinatown. I saw Candy and Carmen from Smith, and Sabrina and Paul from UC PPIA. I haven't seen these people in almost two years, and I had a ball catching up with them. Not to mention, we had some great food and conversations. Mainly being almost going into our late twenties, where we're at in our careers right now, and how scary the future may seem.

So in the beginning of this blog post, I said CAAMFest saved me in many ways. I want to take time to write everything out. Before the trip, I had this weight on my shoulders. I don't know what it is, but I was stressed, anxious, and borderline feeling quite empty. What does doing work for Asian CineVision and writing that solo show really mean? I was lost. Really lost. Am I still at the same place I was in 2014? I kept thinking how I'm ever going to make a living doing both of these things I love. How can I explain it to my family and friends, and even if I explain it, will they understand? Everybody around my age, say 26 or 27 or 28, are finally settling into their jobs, traveling the world, or even getting married or at least boo'd up. I feel like I'm trailing so far behind in life. But then CAAMFest reminded me of something: it is the journey that matters. Art is a marathon, not a sprint. Art takes time. Life takes time. Time is now. Live in the present. Take it one day at a time. Ask for help. Stop worrying. Breathe. 

After this trip, I found a new sense of peace within me. The type of peace that allows me to know that everything is going to be okay. Everything, will be okay.

The Pursuit of Happiness

  Hello, and welcome to my blog.  About a year ago, I was a recent Smith College graduate struggling to figure out what I am most passionate about in life.  I took on whatever opportunities came my way--odd jobs, worked for a Congresswoman, and finally decided to pursue my passion of living a creative life as an artist.  Now, I'm doing what I'm set-out to do, studying acting at The Barrow Group Theatre & improv at Upright Citizens Brigade Theatre.  Everyday is new and uncertain, and while I have a love-hate relationship with this lifestyle, I'm slowly growing accustomed to it.  This blog is to document that long-and-bumpy ride.  Thanks for reading & following!