Solo Show Preview

It's always impossible until it's done, and I did it!

On May 1, 6, and 7, I did a preview of my solo show called THE WORLD'S GREATEST. Words can't really describe what it took for me to write the show or describe what I felt throughout the whole writing / production / actually inviting people process; but I will try to articulate it as much as possible. 

Let me begin by sharing the reason why I wrote the show: I visited my high school in 2009 as an Urban Ed Fellow for a month during January break. I was a sophomore at Smith College at the time, and I was taking a class called "Education in the City." There was a list of high schools for us to choose from for the fellowship program, but because I went to a high school in the city, I thought, why not do the fellowship at my high school? At that point, it was two years after I graduated from Bergtraum. I really didn't think it was a bad school when I was a student there--even though it was constantly being threatened to shut down by the Board of Education because of poor attendance and bad test scores. However, after the first week of the fellowship, I realized Bergtraum might've gotten worse. It might not be the same school that I went to because after Martin Luther King HS got shut down, a lot of kids transferred over to Bergtraum. Fights became more frequent and security was increased as a result of on-going violence. The school might just shut down for good this time.

During that fellowship, I was critically thinking about all the problems at Bergtraum and how it related to education policies aimed at inner city public high schools (The No Child Left Behind Act: standardized testing, demoralizing teaching by teaching for a test, no sense of place at the school for students/faculty/admins, etc.). I thought it was funny how "No Child Left Behind" caused a lot of Bergtraum kids to drop out and legit get left behind--even when I was there. I was pretty much observing just one class for the entire month, and things were going okay for a short while. Then, a week or two before the fellowship ended, shit broke out (a stampede occurred, and because Bergtraum is a triangular school with no dead end on the 1st, 3rd, and 4th floor, kids were stomping around and around. My teacher, at that point, called the school a zoo). I honestly don't know what caused the stampede, but I think it might be the students' way to resist all the added security. The whole situation made the school environment super hostile. Close the last day of the fellowship, a kid cursed my high school history teacher out. I think that was the last draw for me. I felt angry, confused, and frustrated. Since I was a spoken word fiend at the time, I wrote a poem about the whole situation. This poem is the seed / in a way, the heart of the solo show.

As I was writing the solo show, I thought the seed for the show was "too much" or for a lack of a better word preachy, and decided to water down the whole situation by making some stuff up to smooth over the story. And that's the version that was presented for the previews.

Now looking back, I should've written the truth man. What the fuck was I thinking? The truth hurts; but at the same time, there's so much pain/humor that comes from the truth. And that's where I am with the piece right now. Trying to write the truth, and from the heart. I've been getting a lot of feedback from people who came to watch the show. I'm now at a point where I'm reworking and rewriting the whole show. Hoping to write more shit that went down without feeling pressured or wondering if people will like/find these stories funny. Seriously, fuck what people think. Write the damn truth. That's why you started writing this in the first place. Don't think. Just do it.

In terms of production, finding the venue was the easiest because I rented out my acting school's studio theatre (The Barrow Group, wsup?) for two previews on May 6 and 7. Then came time to inviting people. Man, I wanted to make it special and not just a Facebook or email invite. So I brainstormed a list of people who I wanted to come see the show -- it's a list where, if I was to die the day after the previews, and these people saw the show, I would be happy type of situation. I texted/FB/emailed all the people on that list for their mailing addresses. Then I bought some red envelopes from Paper Source and even a golden sharpie to punk them into thinking I'm sending them a wedding invitation. (Wedding? No boo yet. Seriously, not now, not now. Still gotta hustle.) Then in late February/early March, I proceeded to follow-up and ask if people wanna come. Most said yes, some were busy for Mother's Day, and then some I asked over and over again / they still cannot make it. You're not my friend if you didn't come! (just kidding) I then found out that some invites never arrived at their doorsteps / got bounced back to my home -- two months after I sent it out. It broke my heart because I spent so much time writing each and every one of these invitations. USPS, why you gotta fail me for? 

I think the biggest thing that came out of this solo show preview was the pressure I received from my family. When my bro found out I'm putting a lot of my savings into production, he flipped the shit. He didn't understand why I'm spending so much money when I couldn't even guarantee if people are gonna come or not. He also doubted the fact that I can get 80 people to show up. Then my mom found out and said I should seriously look for a full-time job and stop dreaming about this shit cuz it won't get me anywhere. I felt hurt. These two people mean so much to me, and I felt like they were putting me down. I cried so much. I was so stressed out. I felt so unsupported. I didn't even know what to do and didn't not hang out with people for an entire month.

I eventually did, and I had one or two friends who were doubtful and said maybe I should set a deadline for myself for this whole acting thing. I felt crushed again. However, I have few friends (mainly Jenny) who was super supportive throughout the whole process. Always encouraged me, even when I doubted myself. I was going through so much, and what I really needed was just someone to hear me out, and that's what she did. (Thanks Jenny <3).

With all that said, the first two previews sold out by mid-March and I had people asking me whether tickets were still available. I decided to add another preview to my tech rehearsal on May 1 and 25 people came out for that.  

Now onto the preview itself: the first preview went well, and I measured it based on the amount of laughs. Second preview, I didn't get as many laughs and I was real nervous even as I was performing--like was I doing something wrong? A new friend, whom I met briefly back in the fall, came to watch the show. He's a seasoned comedian and wrote all over his hand and on napkins. I saw that during the show and thought I was in deep shit. He emailed me right after the show and said he got notes for me. I met with him the next day before the third preview for three hours and he told me all the high and low points of the show. I quickly did a rewrite and dropped all that "performing" shit, and presented a semi-more cohesive story to the third preview. People have been good with providing feedback (funnily enough, all the points hit the same mark), so I know for a fact which part I still gotta work on. Time to buckle down again.

I went through so much throughout this writing, producing, and performing process. Honestly, you have to perform it to know where the weak points of the storytelling falls, so I'm so so so glad I did these previews. 

And seriously, half of the battle is just doing it. The second half of the battle is getting wounded and learning how to get back up again. I'm getting back up and I'm for sure gonna keep kicking ass until I get this solo show in shape for the fall. I hope people will come to see it again to see its transformation.

It ain't over 'til it's over. It ain't over yet. Gonna keep trucking along.
THE HUSTLE NEVER SLEEPS, fo'real.

ALLEGIANCE

The skinny: ALLEGIANCE is amazing. Go watch it! The longer version: Preface: this is my first time watching a musical on Broadway. This is my first time watching an ASIAN AMERICAN musical on Broadway. I must be dreaming. That's what I was thinking throughout the whole time I was watching the show this past Sunday.

To be honest, I've heard bad things about the show from theatre critics. I won't go into it here. So naturally, I had a doubt--should I go and watch this? Or should I stay home and snuggle with HBO and Netflix? I'm so glad I went to watch it.

I was completely blown away at the production value of this musical. From the lighting, to the sound, to the acting, singing, dancing, and movement on stage--every bit of the show captured my attention. Is now a good time to confess that I fall asleep in major Broadway plays? Even though it was a musical, the music did not distract me from listening to the story. If anything, it enhanced the story. In terms of performance... I don't even know where to begin. Lea Salonga's voice carried the show. George Takei's humor added color to the darkness of the theme. Telly Leung's swag... you'll have to see it for yourself.

As an Asian American Studies major who learned about the Japanese Internment through literature and history books, I was nerding out the whole entire time. I was crying half the time because they depict the internment in an entertaining, yet very real/raw way. Yes, there was discrimination. Yes, there was injustice. And no, the writers did not water it down. It was told, as is.

As an actor, it's unbelievable to see a stage full of Asian American actors telling an Asian American story. Insane. It gives me so much hope for the future of having Asian American stories told on stage.

It's closing in 11 days, so get your tickets today before it gets sold out. Don't get left out; don't catch FOMO, just GOGOGO!

This is the first, but definitely not the last show.

Gotta keep on trucking. #hustle

Homecoming King

Dude, i just got the bill to renew the domain + privacy protection for this website and spent almost a G. I need to start blogging more, or I'll hate myself. Lately, I've been watching a lot of standup shows, mainly on the internet, and occasionally, in real life (sorta like how ppl live now, eh?). Today, i had dim sum with the #aaiff2015 crew at my mom's bakery, and since i didn't plan anything for lazy Sunday, i decided to go to Cherry Lane Theatre to buy a ticket to watch Colin Quinn on stage. On my way to the box office, boom, i saw Hasan Minhaj's solo show poster. I heard about the show a few days ago on Instagram and saw an NPR tweet on it, so i was like, i should watch it! As i got to the box office, boom, a stack of tickets at the price of a movie ticket, caught my eyes. And guess what? It was Hasan Minhaj's show!! It was fate. Of course I asked for the tickets in front of my eyes, but low and behold, the box office ticketer said it was a promo that expired. I did snag $20 tickets though. Score!

I decided to Instagram the show poster and tweet about it. I didn't know what to expect from the show, given that I didn't know much about this dude, except that he works with Trevor Noah on The Daily Show, and that he is a standup comedian. I was jammin' to the hip hop walk-in music, sat where my ticket allowed me to sit, and the usher asked if i wanted to sit in the front. I was like hell to the fuckin yes!

The show blew my mind. From beginning 'til the end. He did it stand-up style and i followed him throughout the show. That swag was real!! If you've ever been an outsider, you will feel his story. He talked a lot about love, family, expectations, and that sense of belonging every kid of color wanted/thought about (maybe I shouldn't speak for everyone--cuz maybe some people fit in just fine). His stories about assimilation in suburbia made me ball like crazy. Even though I didn't grow up in the suburbs, i was always the fat kid trying to fit in, so i get it. All that family talk was so real, I couldn't stop laughing. I laughed until I cried, and then cried a little for real towards the end of the show. I only had one piece of tissue in my pocket, and i didn't have enough to wipe my tears. Oh man. 

This coming of age tale was touching. He threw in a lot of cultural references from his Muslim background. I mean, I'm Chinese, but i found myself saying yes, or mmhmm so many times. I can relate to it on so many levels.

If you're in NYC, love going out to watch films, standup, theatre, or just good storytelling in general, this show is for you. Walk, no, run there now!! Or as i tweeted earlier, AHORA!!

I guess since I'm an actor and writer, i felt every ounce of his show. This truly motivated me to keep on writing that second draft. I'm this 👌🏻 (if it ain't showing, it is an okay emoji with a gap) close to finishing the second draft. Time to get to it!! 

Gotta keep that hustle flow alive.

Processing

Tonight, i fucked up. In Scene Study class. I was doing a scene from THE MOTHERFUCKER WITH THE HAT, and i am still trying to process the reasons why it happened the way it happened. And I'm not trying to linger in it, I'm just trying to figure out why so I don't ever do it again. Process. So the scene is about two lovers. The guy comes home with a job, the girlfriend gets excited, they were gonna get busy, but she wants to shower first. He discovers a hat and questions her why is there a hat that doesn't belong to him, she denies the fact the hat has anything to do with her. He confronts her and ask why the bed smells like someone just had sex, she says he's crazy and making up things in his mind, he says maybe I am crazy but who is the guy with the hat/slept on this bed? She tries to get him to go to the pie place to talk it out, he agrees.

That's the story. For some reason, after we built the set and the scene started, there was a moment of oh-shit. When we met up to run lines, we did it in a specific way--we made a lot choices with accents, how the character is acting at this point. After we split, I gave myself things to do in the room during certain lines. The way I read or imagine the character stays with me though, and when I performed in class today, and everything I/we prepared pretty much went sour. We didn't say it like the way we rehearsed it, and we were lost.

As i'm writing this, i realize one of the biggest problem i made. I went ahead of myself.. or i had an idea how the scene was supposed to go--how to act it, how it should sound. l almost forgot the thing i told myself to do.. which is.. to let it all go. Get down to the story, and never get to your head about what should/should not happen. Just go with the flow and let the story take you to that landing point.

As I'm realizing this, I know what to do for next week. Still processing what happened this week, but I should just let that go too. Just gotta keep working on it.

Process!!!

I do belong.

I promised myself in the beginning of this year that I will put myself out there more often for auditions, and today, i did. I went to an audition for a play called "In the Wine Time," set in the 1950's with an all Black cast. When i first saw the audition posting on Backstage, i was thrilled because i know i can play the character that is being called for. I showed up at the audition location and immediately was dismissed by the check-in lady. I saw a lot of Equity actors being welcomed and were asked to sign-in / get a time card, so i asked her if non-equity members can audition and what the check-in process is. She said equity members are seen first and if there is time i can be seen.  She followed-up and asked me to check the breakdown to make sure i fit the roles. The first line of the breakdown is: all roles are for African Americans unless otherwise stated. I see that most of the roles were for Black actors, but on the bottom of the breakdown, it also said all racial and ethnic backgrounds are encouraged to audition. I remember that was the line in the Backstage posting that led me there. I sat in the waiting area and thought about the way she treated me differently. Tears swelled up. I felt a sense of not-belonging there and thought maybe i should go. But i told myself: stay, Judy, stay. I stayed.

I looked through the sides and quickly realized there is no stage directions for the beginning of the monologue. I remember vividly in class when there are no stage directions, we are encouraged to read the lines and figure out something for the character to do. In this monologue, Doris constantly asks her family if they wanna eat a hot dog. She is semi-drunk and talking in a high pitched voice, so automatically i knew there was at least some distance between her and her sister/friend. I gave myself the task of cooking, and i think it made all the difference. The director / writer said they thought i was funny. I didn't know if it was a good funny (impressed) or a bad funny (weirded out); but i felt i did well.

I think today's audition was a well lesson learned. I know no matter where i go--unless if the role calls for an Asian person--if i show up at an audition for something that is not of my race, i will always be seen as the other / i do not belong there. In this industry, i know this will not be the only time i'll feel this way. It's about time i let that go and not give a damn what other people think of me. I do belong.

I do belong. And i'm not gonna leave anytime soon.

My Girlfriend's Boyfriend: Mike Birbiglia at Carnegie Hall

Last night, I had the pleasure of watching Mike Birbiglia's solo show "My Girlfriend's Boyfriend" at the Carnegie Hall.  I was so excited.. I didn't know what to expect.  I first knew of Mike at The Barrow Group Theatre (TBG) some time in October 2012.  His picture, the classic picture of him in pajamas and holding onto a teddy bear, is hung in the lobby.  I asked my classmate, "who is that dude?" And then I found out his name is Mike Birbiglia, and he did an indie film called SLEEPWALK WITH ME.  I then proceeded to wiki him and found out he was also a comedian.  Whao!--I thought.  I told myself I would definitely check out his film while it plays at IFC, but you know when you say I'll definitely check it out, and you never do?  Yeah, I'm soooo guilty of that. Fast forward seven months later, he returns to TBG for a seminar with Seth Barrish; and I told myself, I'll definitely check it out.  But guess what?  I can't, because I will be in LA during that time.  Two weeks later, I found out he will perform at Carnegie Hall, and I jumped up and said, I'll definitely check it out--and I did!

Okay--now back to the show:  the show was freakishly amazing.  This is my first time at Carnegie Hall, and my first time watching a solo show (without falling asleep!!!).  I have a tendency of falling asleep during theatre performances, and this show kept me awake, all 1 hour and 37 minutes of it.  First, we had Ira Glass preface the show with a story about a dance company finding luck in the mega million lottery game + two ballet dancers glancing across the stage with a solid number.  It was so priceless with Mr. Glass himself starts dancing after he reveals that the dance company did not win the lottery.  They gracefully introduced Mike.  Mike came out with an untucked button-down shirt, faded jeans, and a pair of white sneaks.  Immediately, we all knew the show was gonna be super chill.  And then he said something along the lines of, "I can't believe this is happening here," and i thought me too, me too!  Carnegie Hall is traditionally know as a venue for orchestra performances or something super formal, so I was pretty shocked it was held there.  But our attention was immediately drawn then to his parents who came to support the show.  I had tears in my eyes at that point.  But then he told the story of how his mother sold him her car for $2,000 when he first started out because she didn't see anything of it.  At that point, I just nodded in agreement.  He also told us a story about how we should turn off our cell phones because a lady at another show had her cell phone go off and didn't know how to turn it off--gahhh distraction, that's a performer's worst nightmare (but then if you're awesome, you'll know how to play it off).  Then, the show finally began.  He told the story about not believing in marriage, his t-bone car accident, his teenage dating experiences, not being a part of the make-out club but finally getting into it after lying to his friends but finds out he's a really bad kisser from Sandy-the-brace-face, and then finding love with Jenny, disbelieving in marriage .. still, but then still getting married, and still paying $12,000 for that t-bone car accident in which he was hit by a Benz.  What a show!!!  I sat on the edge of my seat the whole time.  I let out a few LOLs, but at times, I laughed awkwardly because some things were just too true to be true.  I can honestly say I had a grand old time.

It was such an amazing experience to watch a performer work the whole stage.  No props, no nothing.  Just themselves, the story, the lights, and a stool.  I am definitely blown away by the story and his delivery.  If only I can someday do the same. Still dreaming...