LA and Beyond

This is crazy and belated, but I did it. I done did it. 

The LA show went down almost two months ago. It feels so surreal that it's over now. Months, weeks, or even days before the show, I was freaking out. How many people will come? What if people don't come? What if I forget the story? The day before the show, I wrote out thank you notes to folks.. up to the point my fingers started cramping. I was so anxious. I pooped so much before the show (ok, tmi).. I also reminded myself to relax the moment I stepped out on stage and that everything will be okay.

Everything was okay. There was a sizable crowd, and everyone was so supportive. I worried that jokes wouldn't land on the LA crowd, but it did (told myself not to worry about if things are "supposed to be" funny--just tell the damn story). In short, I am so relieved.

In October 2016, that little thought of bringing the show to Los Angeles was just a thought--a dream if you may. Then I decided to pursue that thought and see if it can become a reality. It costs a lot to get the theatre, but I was like fuck it! Life is too short to not do the things we wanna do, and so, I booked the space. The most difficult part is really spreading the word, and I'm so grateful CAPE (Coalition of Asian Pacifics for Entertainment), Kollaboration LA, and Project by Project LA supported the show by telling their networks about it. Everyone was so so supportive, and it made the whole LA show what it was--it felt like the whole entire community had my back.

Special thanks to Grace for letting me crash and helping me to get set pieces and loading, Karin for taking beautiful black and white photos, and Cindy, Amy, and Malina for capturing color photos. Sabrina for coming all the way from Oakland, and all the people who came out to the show. It meant the world to share the story with you. 

And now, I'm back to NYC. Back to reality. And everything is back to normal: classes (Improv 301! And Film & TV at The Barrow Group), hustle for AAIFF, work at Nom Wah, and writing--been outlining two feature films--and experiencing writer's block, ha! I'm getting over this hump where I have to sit down and write everything that's been on my mind with these two stories. I know the ending to both, it's just the journey (emotional) in between that is hard to write. I'll figure it out soon enough. Setting a deadline for the end of this month. Yes, always have deadlines. Otherwise, a dream is just a dream. Do.

I've also been reading Taraji P. Henson's memoir. I saw a video of her circulating on Facebook talking, where she gave a speech on what it means to ignore naysayers and keep on with keeping on. It inspired me so much that I picked up her book. This morning, I balled my eyes out when she talked about where she's from, her family, and her love life. I related so much to everything and got so emotional. She has this fire and sass, and unapologetic energy about her that no one can take away. She's a strong ass woman, and I'm working now to get as tough as her.

On my way home, I read the part where she talked about moving to Hollywood with no money and had to beg just to find a place to live. That shit is too real and inspiring. I have dreams of moving to Los Angeles (I told the head chef at Nom Wah last week and shit came out of my mouth), but I need some seed money and some brush-up on driving lessons. It'd probably take me two years to save up enough just to get a used car and rent for a few months. I never thought I would've said this, because let's be real, I don't even like LA that much. But like Taraji's father said, "why are you just living? Why aren't you going to LA where all the jobs are?" Her father's words is exactly what I don't wanna hear but need to hear.

Part of me wanna take it slow--one step at a time. But Taraji did it with no real acting credits, no agent in LA, no car, and no place to live, AND with a baby on her hip. If she can do it, I believe I can. I gotta stop making excuses. I have to be more daring.

I'm going through the mo right now, a rough patch if you will, but I promise I will look back one day and say I gave it my all. You have to, because otherwise, why start? 

Crazy spilling this out man. Time for beeeeed. Good night world.

Tomorrow is a new day. And.. the hustle continues! 

first audition

My first audition happened when I was 17 and it was for 2g, an Asian American Theatre Company; they were casting for a series of 10 minute plays. I browsed through the cast descriptions and found a play casting a 17 year old girl. That's me, i thought! And then I read on: To submit yourself for a role, you need to send in a headshot and resume. I didn't have either. So I immediately went into the bathroom and took a selfie of myself with a WongFu t-shirt and a big ass smile with braces. I consider that as my first headshot. I printed out the headshot on printer paper, and thank god I have enough color ink! I sent the headshot and resume in, and heard back within a day with audition info. Whao, now I have a chance. The audition was held right across the street from The Public Theatre. I ran up the stairs and saw people waiting. I asked if this was the spot, and someone said yes. I took a side and sat on the floor. A girl directly across from me was prepping. And by prepping, I mean, she really got into the character. Like in it in it. It was quite scary.

They finally called my name, and I went into the room. There were two guys in the room, one man named Lloyd (the person who I was emailing with) and the reader. He was super friendly and said "Oh, you're the girl with the braces!" It was quite cool because I'll be so believable for a 17 year old. I read through the whole scene twice and then it was over. I awkwardly stumbled my way out of the room. It was pretty nerve-wrecking, but it was my first glimpse as to what the audience process involves.

In the end, I didn't get the part. I went to watch the show and saw some many talented people on the stage. I wondered what I had to do to get to their level.

After not getting the part, I found out a month later that I didn't get in the three Drama Programs I applied for. It was a real bummer for me, and I wondered if acting was right for me. I questioned myself again and again, until the thought of being an actor just faded away. I knew deep down within me there's this tiny voice telling me I want to become one -- but how?

After getting back into the craft several years later, I realized it's more about persistence than anything else. Sure, when I was 17 I was completely devastated in not getting the part. But I think that re-routed me into a different path, into a non-actors path, and then getting back on it. This first audition taught me if you have a love for something deep within you -- you'll someday run back to it. And when you get reunited with the craft and nothing changes, you will know it's love.